Well. Spring break starts in four more days. how fun. but instead of going out and having fun or trying to have fun, i'm gonna be stuck at home listening to my parents bulls%&*t. And doing some English homework. I hate how they go all consevetive on me when it comes to letting me have fun. everything else is whatever.
"Lets keep her locked up. nothing will happen to her and she won't be crazy like the girls we always see."
Years later: "your Daughter is being held at such and such place because she tried to kill herself."
"Crap!!!! we did this? Nah, lets keep her locked up so she won't get even crazier."
Weeks later: "Your daughter is in such and such hospital because we heard she was gioing to harm herself."
"She is F%#$^[email protected] crazy, lets keephar locked up and not let her have fun ever. and tell her thast having fun is what will make her crazy."
Dramatization, yet it is true. My mother used to be okay with what i wore and what i did. Which was mostly black and weird. But after i was diagnosed with depression, she didn't even want me looking at anything black or weird. She told me that in order to be happy you must wear bright flowery things and act happy. Yet all that did was make me miserable. This past Sunday we saw some skulls that had masks on them. the ones mostly used by Cyber Goths. I started explaining to her what was there purpose and she started coming at me with "remember your roots, remember where you came from.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Compared to my friends i'm Mexican as F*%^! She still thinks of stereotypes. But wearing black and and doing what she calls weird things makes me happy. and that is what she doesn't want to see. At least that's what she makes me think.
Yeah. i'm 18 and able to do whatever the [email protected]&% i want, but the guilt that my maother makes me feel holds me back…. But f*$% that. she has to understand that keeping me locked up is what mede me the whay i am. i am not crazy and i am not weird. i am who i am. I may not be able to go to the beach or party, but imma go out ther and imma make myself happy. Why feel sorry for doing something that makes me happy. why be sorry for something that i didn't do.