This has been a rough year for me.  I was diagnosed in 2001, and at that point, my life was a mess.  I had almost completely lost control of my thoughts, I was extremely depressed, and I was hurting the people I love without meaning to.  After I began to take medication in 2001, I started to improve, and I had been steadily improving until this past winter.  I had even gotten to the point that I was able to have friends again without obsessing about it (that’s my main obsession).  But since February, I have been extremely depressed, and I know that there is absolutely no reason for me to feel that way.  I also think that I am becoming paranoid about a particular person in my life.  I have never done that before.  I believe that I am having "simple partial seizures."  For the past year or so, I will occasionally experience an "electric shock" that seems to be centered in my head, but jolts my entire body.  During these events, my hearing gets muffled, and I hear a humming sound and see a bright light flash before my eyes.  My heart races when this happens.  Sometimes I go for weeks without a problem, but other times it can happen several times a day, and in a couple of cases, I have had as many as 10 or so of these events within an hour.  I do not lose consciousness, and they last only for a second or two.  I have mentioned some of this to my doctor, and we thought it might be a reaction to one of my medications.  Yesterday, I found an article on the web about simple partial seizures, and it sounded a lot like what I am experiencing, but I am not sure what to do about it.  Should I take this information to my doctor?  My wife says that I am a hypochondriac, and, even though I know that I am truly experiencing these episodes, I wonder sometimes if my OCD is fooling me into thinking that there is something wrong when there’s not.  I also find myself forgetting entire conversations, and at times wondering if something that I have done really happened.  I am still having trouble getting to sleep at night.  Sometimes I feel like I am a spectator in my own life.  I have lost interest in just about everything, but I force myself to do what I know I should.  I feel like I am spiraling downward and out of control, but again, I don’t know if that is accurate, or just my OCD fooling me into obsessing about something that I shouldn’t be alarmed about.  Why, after 7 years of constant improvement, am I having problems like this?  Why have I suddenly stopped trusting my perception of reality?  I have withdrawn from just about everyone, because I am afraid of what I might do or say around them.  I have been catching myself speaking to myself lately, and that disturbs me.  It makes me feel like the line between what I am experiencing and what I am thinking is dissolving.  I am afraid that I am worsening to the point that I will need hospitalization, and I don’t want to do that.  At the same time, I don’t want to hurt my family and friends.  The last big obsession that I had in 2001 almost destroyed my family, and it hurt my closest friends.  I don’t want that to happen again.  I don’t feel like I am obsessing about my friends any more, but I question whether or not I am obsessing about all this that I have been talking about.  How much of my life is "real" and how much of it is what it is because of my OCD?  Do people really like me, or do I just perceive it that way because I want to believe it?  Do I act as "normal" as I think I do, or am I fooling myself into thinking that I do?  I am so confused.

4 Comments
  1. apehangmom 11 years ago

    honeslty I think that you need a second opinion. I really do . I think that you need to look on this site and ask other professionals what that shock / suspicison of seizures… that is not accecptable to just deal with . At least find if this is some thing not to worry about. But it sounds neurological . But I am no expert. But please .. you might be expirenceing some thing that is proventing your meds from not doing their job. Also remember meds are some times great for years then… they lose the potency. I dont know if that is right having a particial seizure.  but look into it .

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    Dear Shawn,

    My advice has not changed.  Copy this blog onto your  printer and take the ENTIRE blog to the doctor with you.  It sounds like a lot is going on.  No one can judge if you are having ocd events or some really serious reactions to your medications, or if you are developing a new  illness.  Some of the stuff you describe make an amateur, like me,  think tumor.  I think you do such a good job describing the situation, probably right after an upset of some sort.  That your blog is an immediate detailed description that I feel is invaluable to your doctor.  I feel your wife imput is that of a frightened woman that hopes it will all be ok, if she denies it’s presence.  By the way, I think you should have that doctor appointment asap. Best wishes for receiving the help and relief you need.  lol.    Mary

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  3. shawn 11 years ago

    Thanks for the advice everyone!  Ancient says that I do a good job describing the situation…and my doctor tells me that I have a good handle on my condition, but that makes me feel that it it is not real…if I were really having these problems, wouldn’t I be unaware of it?  I am not as panicked right now as I have been over the past several days.  I had a good prayer, and that has made me feel better.  I did some more research, and I found that I may have a vitamin B12 deficiency.  I take a multivitamin, but it only has 4 micrograms of B12, and I read that I should need a lot more than that.  I know that I am not a doctor, and that I don’t have the ability to diagnose myself, but I have a "need" to understand what is going on.  My wife doesn’t know about all this…I have kept it from her.  She tends to take the approach, "just get over it,"  I know that she doesn’t understand what I have gone through and still go through with OCD, but I wish she would at least put forth an effort to understand.  I have an upcoming apporintment with my general practice doctor, who will be running blood tests on me, and I have another appointment with my OCD doctor coming soon also.  Sometimes I wish that there was someone I could tell it all to…emotional, spiritual, physical, mental.  Right now it is me and God.  I know He understands and that He is able to help.  I feel bad that I want to talk to anyone else.  I know that God is more than capable of taking care of my problems, but I also know that God sometimes uses medications, therapies, and other people to heal.

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  4. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    You know, it sound like the guy is patronizing you, I agree with apehangmom.  Take the blogs and let someone else look at you, especially if something neurological is going on.  Besides maybe this guy has gone as far as he knows how and it is time to see if anyone can do better.

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