Well everyone, here I am again, your most frequent ROCD blogger, obsessing and dying inside again. This time, I feel I may actually have something to worry about. Two weeks ago, I was cleaning our little appartment and when I was dusting Eric's desk, I found a receipt for Panara during the time that he was at work that previous Friday. It was only for one person, so I saw that he didn't buy anything for "two," but it botheredme because he never mentioned to me that he went to get panara with his co-workers and I always make him lunch everyday, so in the past, when he ate lunch with his co-workers, he told me…but he didn't tell me this time. So that was 2 weeks ago, and the stupid reciept thing was in the bakc of my mind, but it really wasn't bothering me…up until now. For the past few days, Eric has told me "oh, I really don't feel too good today, I only ate half your sandwhich, or oh, my stomach feels off, so I don't think I'm going to eat your sandwhich today…and then today, he did the same thing. He told me that his stomach wasn't feeling too good, so he ended up coming home and eating the sandwhic when he got home. I can't help but feel like he's lying to me because he's been going out to lunch with his co-workers all week and didn't want me to know anything, so he's making up that he "doesn't feel good enough to eat his lunch." I realize during this relapse that I'm going through that one of my problems is I CAN'T see the blurry line between reality and fantasy, and thats when I get into trouble like right now. I AM DYING TO ASK HIM if he's been going out to lunch with his co-workers this week and maybe just didn't want to tell me, but I don't know if that would be a good idea, because then he would get all pissed that I'm accusing him of lying to me. He does lie to his mom and so I feel lke he could very easily lie to me too. For example, she's really really old school Catholic and she's in her late 70's so she has very old views and rules on relationships and religion…so Eric does things like, when she asks him on the holidays if we're going to church, he tells her we are, but we realy don't, stuff like that. So I don't know with this one…am I being irrational or no? What should my next move be? I don't know…I'm stuck, and I can't concentrate on anything and I HATE this, I hate not knowing what the hell to do or feel or think.
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It definitely sounds like your OCD is interfering with other aspects of your life. It sounds to be that maybe he just doesn't like your lunches and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It took over 3 years of marriage for me to finally tell my wife I didn't liker her stirfry. Try not to obssess about this too much. OCD loves to make everything out of nothing. Thinking about you.
Ok, I have experience with this, sad to say. One of my obsessions is my husband's health. So I used to make his lunch every day. I didn't want him clogging his arteries with fast food, so I would get up early and make that man's lunch and his breakfast, sometimes dinner, and pack it all up for my man. Time after time I would find the food I lovingly fixed for him left downstairs in the basement or left in his car days later. When I nag him about this, I get the typical response – innocent look, the question, "What food? I didn't see any food." One day I got the nasty response, "Why do you try to control every aspect of my life?" That one really got to me. My OCD had started to roll over into our relationship. From my point of view, I was worried about him and trying to look out for him. But he doesn't have OCD and like a lot of men, he's going to eat whatever he wants and it's not going to be what I fixed for him. I know it's so hard to let go of this when it's worrying you so much. But if I were you I'd stop making his lunch.
Hey everyone,thanks for your responses. I actually make him his lunch everyday because he asks me to. Every morning I wake up before him and make him his coffee, his breakfast, and his lunch because he ASKS me to.
Lolita, I definitly get that sometimes people lie-I get it, but it feeds my OCD, thats one of my fears is that he's going to lie to me. Yes, its pathetic that someone could be this obsessed about someone else, but we don't get to pick and choose what we obsess about do we? That's why I write on here all the time, because I feel like its a healthy outlet to let out what I don't want Eric to hear. I'm very aware that I'm going about getting better the wrong way, but I have no money and can't find a job, and therefore can only afford to see my therapist twice a month, which doesn't do anything for someone trying to work out of a relapse. I'm trying to get out of this-I feel embarassed and pathetic to be obsessing over another person like some little parasite, but I can't help it, thats why I'm depressed all the time- I HATE being this way and I'm not getting much better. So thank you for your response, I do agree with that "it is just a reciept," but I can do without the condescending harshness next time, thank you.
I'm sure you're obsessions eat away at you too, and I don't know what they're about, but I'm sure you don't exactly handle them perfectly all the time either, otherwise I really don't know why you would be on this site in the first place.