The other day I found myself in the ER, the cops were called to our apartment for a domestic disterbance (my husband and I were arguing all day yelling and such) and when the woman officer found me in our bathroom with my 90-day supply of Lexapro well it shifted. She sat and talked with me then drove me herself over to the ER. She made a lot of sense, saying things like out of wack hormomes on overdrive (my girls are exactly a year apart and the littlest is only 6months, not to mention I got a Mirana IUD a hormonal birth control), and it's common, but this is supposed to be a happy time. Well that i disagreed with, my husband and I just recently had our 1 year anniversary we're in that trying to settle into a life together stage, so everyone's been telling me its the hardest part of a marrage. Though I did agree it shouldn't be this bad where I end up wanting to cut myself everyday or quite close to it. That's where I was for 6 days straight we had fought and I had locked myself in our bathroom and before that it was happening every 2-3 days. I do realize I need help, I love my daughters and my husband (though I may not always like them) but I can't for the life of me figure out why they would love me back. All I can see is fat, disgusting, poisonous, trash. I'm trying to fix that, Google has found me some pretty awesome sites, but I always lose sight of the why. Why should I do it, I'm just pathetic anyway, the girls deserve a better mother, my husband deserves a better wife. I severly lack motavation, and self esteem. My husband tries, but he doesn't understand, he doesn't know how to help me. All he sees is I flip out and act like the world is ending. For me it does, every single time it had felt like I should take myself out of the equation, that would solve everything. But every single time I couldn't do anything more than a few shallow slices on my ankle or forearm. It makes me feel even more like a loser. All I want is for everything to stop collapsing so I can start re-building……

2 Comments
  1. Paume 9 years ago

    I have not tried ACT yet, actually I had never heard of it. Are there any specific workbooks or just a wide variety?

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  2. Aswa 9 years ago

    Hi.  I know how this feels and it is insufferable.  Truly agonising and so confusing.

    You need to sort this out right now for the sake of your girls. Worry only about what life is like for them growing up with you around.

    Your children are your reason to keep going.

    I haven't heard of ACT. I'm going to look into it..

    Peace, Aswa

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