I was hit with a wave of depression and anxiety I haven’t felt in a few years. I couldn’t sleep last night. I ended up alternating between staring at the wall and crying. And I don’t know why this started. I just know that I feel so alone in it because while my family tries to be supportive they don’t fully understand. They try, the listen as I go over the same thing over and over or comfort me when I can’t seem to stop crying, but I still feel so lonely. And like I’m a burden. They tell me I’m not and I appreciate it. Truly I do. But I just don’t feel it and they don’t seem to understand it.

They don’t understand I’m in a constant state of panic right now. That I want to talk but I can’t focus, not a lot can hold my attention when I’m like this. So there’s no distraction that lasts. One second I’m reading, the next I’m a weeping mess. I’m watching a movie but inside my head, I’m going over all the horrible things that I’m afraid might happen. I hate this fear. It’s unhealthy to feel it this much when you’re not in a life or death situation, but here I am.

I feel this fear in my whole being. It’s paralyzing. And I have no clue what triggered all of it. It’s almost like a switch in my brain just switched over to panic and got jammed.

So now I guess I am reaching out in the hopes that maybe someone out there understands, and maybe find people that I can relate to.  Maybe some friends would help. Because as much as personally I’m a mess I’m pretty good at listening to others. It could be it’s a distraction from my own problems, or because I have a lot of empathy (a blessing and a curse depending on the day).

I just want something to help me not feel like this.

3 Comments
  1. bridgie101 2 years ago

    i thnk everyone here knows the feeling. if you can get to bed, and stay there (say you have the flu?) then I would do that. Take to your bed for a week. Lie there, cry. process this.

    Distraction is temporary. Letting yourself process it in a safe place where you won’t do anything stupid is key to getting it behind you in a more permanent way.

    Something will have triggered it but you may not find out what that was for days.

    Now eat, take some vitamin b complex, fill up a water bottle, and go to bed.

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  2. HereIgoAgain 2 years ago

    I think I understand your ‘fear’ thing. I get afraid sometimes also. I was just thinking about that while driving home from work. Driving causes much of my fears because I have to deal with such bad, heavy, traffic and the speeders and crotch rockets that break out of the crowd to race ahead and cut people off with no regard for anyone else.
    The news is another thing that can bring it on. You feel so hopeless when you leave the house, it’s like always waiting and worrying if something will happen to you or someone you love. It just feels like a matter of time.
    Sorry,…the day is catching up with me and my eyelids are getting heavy. I’m losing my thoughts and will have to pick this back up later. Take Care and know that you are not alone!

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  3. evelyndominguez 2 years ago

    Your not alone I am in constant fear of everything. I completely understand being surrondend by love once that are trying to understand and trying to bring comfort but unfortunately we feel completely alone. I hope you find the support you are looking for.

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