So from the darkness comes the light.

When I first became this thing, or this thing became me (not so sure which one yet) it was one of the brightest points in my life so far. I fell into the light. Colors were so beautiful, everything tasted great and smelled wonderful and it was all so new, yet familiar, and comfortable. I always considered de ja vu to be confirmation that I am on the right path so to speak. That's why it seems so familiar and comfortable because it is the right thing. But time passes. As it always does for me. It is the one thing that I count on. But like sweet to sour. And love to hate. The farther the pendulum swings in one direction the laws of science tells us that it will swing just as much in the other direction. Now the days seem dark. There is no sun in the sky. It doesn't matter if I have my eyes open or shut, I can’t see anything. To be blind and fighting an unknown enemy. I blindly walk in an unknown world. Even the things I used to fall back on for comfort are not there. They are still there but feel unfamiliar. I touch them and it is like I have never known them before. Their new and scary. Cold and unforgiving. Soft seems abrasive. All the sweets have turned sour in my mouth. In this time when I need to be strong to fight through it, I have grown weaker. it is a vicious circle. I need to be strong to get from under it. But I can't get strong while i am under it. Trapped and running out of air, I can’t breath . History would tell me that this is only phase and like the ones before it, it too shall also pass. There will be some things to change. But history also tells me that sometimes you don't change it, it changes you and sometimes it just ends. Unrelenting between the end we want and the end we get. If you have not built it into what you wanted then you will be stuck on what was left. So the light has become the darkness. The ugly pungent smell clings to me. Becoming me and seeping out of my pours. But I will keep my eyes open anyway. I will keep peering into the darkness for that glimmer of it. After so long yes after so long now. I will walk with my hands forward trying to touch all that I come in contact with in hopes of it making sense to my senses. Time will keep passing before my blinded eyes and if I am strong enough. If I can fight on. If I can find a way to build from it. Then surely the light will come again. From the darkness must come the light.