I'm tired of being tired. i'm tired of complaining all the time. tired of the aches and pains. tired of hurting. tired of being alone.

I am so alone. the only time i actually talk to people are those 5-10 minutes before class and during when i have a question. See. i'm complaining. i hate being a burden on others.

I'm tired of everything including myself. sometimes i wish i could seperate my mind from my body. just to see if it is my body that holds me back. i just want to fall asleep one night and wake up and be looking at my souless body. and just go explor the world around me as an unattached soul.

the closest i can do, is just sit in my room and stare at a blank wall and repeat my name over and over again untill i don't remember who i am. it's scary at first. but i kinda like not having an identity. for a couple of minutes, i am able to figure myself out without any influences from my depression. for a few minutes i am in a body that i don't even recognize as my own. this may not make any sence. but yeah.

i'm just tired of everything. i feel even worse that i rememberd i hurt the only person that actually texted me. but i shouldn't really. i never even knew the kid in real life. it was all through text. and it's not nearly as much hurt as he has done to me. Telling me pretty things. i let myself believe what he said. i thought i would have a good freind that would help me when i was in a deep depression. but no. i know i shouldn't feel bad. but i do. i'm never the one that hurts. i'm always the one getting hurt. i hate hurting people.

I hate myself… i'm even tired of hating myself.