Things I am trying relatively hard to do:


1) Give my people space. As in time without hanging out with me. I am feeling that I am bothersome sometimes, and I am sure I get annoying. I annoy myself, so am no stranger to that idea. This I am finding to be hard for me, especially trying to hold back on mediums such as text messages or email conversations. I always want to say just a few more things, or have the conversation end on something that feels as if they don't dislike me, you know, a positive note for someone with OCD…


2) Be okay being by myself and not having anything planned out to do. This is challenging because I feel like, when I am not around people, it must mean that those people don't like me. As I have mentioned before on the Tribe, and as others have mentioned as well, we are made selfish by this disorder. It's always me, I, what I feel, what I need, and we assume, inadvertantley, that others are always running their lives based on us. Which, they aren't. So I am trying to break that mindset, and it breaks my heart a little, just because my intentions were never bad.


Tonight, for example, I am thinking of implementing the following plan to just see if it works for me, to see if I can handle it. I was supposed to go to a small rehearsal for a show this weekend. It's a group I play with every now and then, and I will be able to sight read through the music just fine. So I think I will maybe skip that tonight and make myself stay in, have a few beers, work on some music, and watch some NBA games. Maybe that is selfish, too? Wondering if anyone will miss my presence? I really need to chill out, and am trying to by pulling into myself a little. It is extremely hard! I never thought it would be hard to attempt to be introverted! But it will help me as a person, right?

1 Comment
  1. telknit23 7 years ago

    I just want to say, without knowing the extent of your me-centered thinking, that probably most people tend to see the world as revolving around us if we don't remind ourselves otherwise.  So, while it's a good idea to try to fight that, it's also good not to be too hard on yourself about it either.  You're just taking a normal tendency to a greater extreme.  Which describes a lot of OCD, come to think of it.  

    How did your evening go–did you stay home as planned, or go to the rehearsal?  I can certainly see advantages to both.

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