Why? Why am I still holding on to life? I just want it to end. I’m a selfish bitch, I know. I’ve been told ovr and over that I am, that I’m a waste, hated, useless, a bitch, a brat, shitty person, monster, ecil, mean, awful. Ive been told i’m ugly, fat, unsightly, a wort on the face of the earth. That I don’t deserve life, that I don’t deserve happyness. I know I’mm al of that, i know its all true, so why am I here? I’m not wanted, not needed. I keep telling myself i don’t need anybody but in reality nobody neds me, and nobody ever will. Nobody wants to really be hre for me, even if I love them with all my heart. I just want somebody to love me back th way i love them, as a friend or else, but never. Ive almost had it before, happiness, lasting good things, until it all gets torn away in a scond. nothing lasts, but for me, nothing will last. Ever. Maybe it’s the worlds way of tlling me I don’t deserve anythig, that i really should just die. I failed at suicide onc, I’m so useless. I can’t beleave I failed. I should have kept my mouth shut and not angerly burst out to my mom I had overdosed! I was so close to death, but i just had to tell her! I was scared and that led to me still being here and causeing trouble by breathing still. Useless. Stupied. I can’t die corrctly, live correctly, do anythig correctly.
I think that the only thing I have ever don correctly is blink. Maybe. I can’t ven determanie that. I think that its tme ive ended this, don’t yo agre? hah, I dont have anything to end it with though. I cant do this though. I just cant.