Spoke to my mother.She never understands a word I say and it's infuriating trying to have a personal conversation with her always blurting "Whaaat?" as soon as I finish a sentence. Abstract concepts are completely lost on her.

Also lost on my mother, is the fact that her post-retirement plan is completely predicated on the career path of my sister's husband. In other words, if he gets a job that moves him, my sister, and their 3 kids halfway (we're in the midwest—everything is halfway) across the country, her plan is to move with them, so she can be closer to the grandkids. My child??? Chopped liver, apparently.

I mention mychildcare budget anxiety and she makes no comment, whatsoever. Not her problem. Next subject, please. She could have thrown out a token offer to babysit once in a great while and I'd have just appreciated the gesture, whether it actually happened or not. But no, not her problem. Better to just become suspiciously quiet on the line until I changed the subject.

She did, however remind me that the highcost of childcare was why my sister chose to be a stay-at-home mom untl her youngest started school. Well, silly me! I guess I really can afford to quit the only full-time, decent-paying job that I'veever liked because my brother-in-law's parents were bailing them out and buying their kids girls expensive gifts.

My in-lawsaredeceased. DH and I are on our own. 100%. Between our household bills, car payments, school loan payments, etc… It's just not realistic. He already works 2 jobs and he's 47 years old. How much more strain can one man handle?It's not the 70s anymore. We BOTH need jobs. We ask no one for money. EVER.

I don't begrudge my sister for any of this. She's got wonderful kids and a likeable husband. The truth of it is, we both know thatwe have a crappy mom who loves those grandkids. Well, they can have her. I'm tired of feeling so disappointed, waiting for her to treat me as though my life mattered to her.

It's timefor me to stop expecting her to be a mom and get on with becoming a better one than she ever cared to be. I'll ask my sister to "host" my shower, when the time comes. Although, DH and I will really be throwing it ourselves. I know it's tacky, but I won't get one waiting for my family to rise to the occasion and DH's sisters would be disappointed.

DH assured me that his sisters wouldthrow me one, but I know it isn't going to happen. They'll expectmy sister and mom to do it, because that's what moms and sisters do in a normal family. That's what theirs would do.

It's strange, the little things some people take for granted.

Ah well… Isn't this why I wanted a baby so badly? To see familydone right?