I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY MY LIFE HAS GONE THIS WAY. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT IF YOU GIVE OFF NEGATIVE ENERGY YOU WILL RECEIVE IT. WELL I CANT HELP TO GIVE OFF NEGATIVE ENERGY I HAVE NOTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT. EVERYDAY I TRY TO GO 2 STEPS AHEAD BUT I GET PUSHED 5 STEPS BACK. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IS BUT I THINK I KNOW NOW. I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT. EVERYDAY THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY LIFE THAT GOES WRONG I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIGHT BACK ANYMORE. I HAVE DECIDED IF I DONT LEAVE MY ROOM OR HOUSE THEN NOT MUCH CAN HAPPEN TO ME. BUT THEN THAT LEAVES MY SON WITH NO ACTIVE MOM. BUT I CANT SEE PUTTING HIM THROUHG MY PATHETIC LIFE. NONE OF MY FRIENDS WANT TO HERE IT ANYMORE THEY ALL HAVE HURTFUL THINGS TO SAY “WHAT BAD LUCK YOU HAVE YOUR NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY” WOW THANKS FRIEND. I WATCHED MY ENERGY JUST DRAIN OUT OF ME TODAY I JUST COULDNT FIGHT BACK TODAY. I FELL ON THE ICE OUTSIDE AND I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I WONT SAY ANYTHING CAUSE I DONT WANT TO HERE THE COMMENTS ” YOUR ALWAYS SICK OR HURT” ITS NOT LIKE I CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY CAUSE I SURELY DONT. I HAVE BEEN EATING LIKE CRAZY AND GAINING WEIGHT BY THE WEEK. I HATE MYSELF FOR IT. I HATE THE WAY I LOOK AND I DONT DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT.I EVEN HAVE A GYM MEMEMBERSHIP THAT GETS TAKEN OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT THAT I DONT USE. SICK. MY THERAPIST WANTS TO PUT ME ON SSI SHE DOESNT THINK I CAN WORK ANYMORE. WELL DUH I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR MONTHS AND NOW THEY FINALLY AGREE. WTF I DONT SEE THERAPY AND THESE DRUGS HELPING ME I HAVE BEEN THIS WAY FOR MORE THEN 4 MTHS NOW DONT YOU THINK THE MEDS WOULD OF HELPED ALREADY !!! NO ONE LISTENS. MY ADDICTION OR DRUG IS SHOPPING IF I AM FEELING LONELY I WILL GO OUT AND SHOP EVEN THOUGH IM BROKE JUST LIKE EATING I KNOW I SHOULDNT BUT I FEEL GOOD AFTER. SO I WAKE UP BRUSH MY HAIR AND GO NO SHOWER NO CHANGING JUST IN MY PJS I GO AND SHOP LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO MAKEE ME FEEL GOOD. TODAY I BOUGHT A NEW COMFORTER AND SHEETS FOR MY BED $80 DOLLARS LATER AND I HAVE NEW BED SET THAT WILL SATISFY ME FOR A WEEK AND GOD KNOWS WHAT I WILL DO TOMORROW. I THINK THE PEOPLE AT TARGET KNOW ME ALREADY. SAD ! I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX THINGS OR IF IT IS FIXABLE. I WISH THERE WAS A MAGIC BUTTON I WISH I COULD REWIND I WISH I COULD ERASE MY LIFE …. I WISH FOR STRENGTH