Wow, I really snapped yesterday.. Not sure if it was just my emotions or all the pain I was in but wow….

Went to my daughters softball game (we won 16-9.. UNDEFEATED)  and went to park where we have always parked in the grass along the field.  There was a police car infront of the diamond with his lights on and I thought something bad had happened.  Being a nurse and a Lay Responder for the Red Cross I am always ready for bad events or injuries so I was trying to see what was going on but couldn't see around the cops car.  

Anyways, I park, let my kid out and she runs to the diamond.  I get out of my car, grab my bag and get my chair and begin to walk to go sit.  (Mind you I have to use a cane to walk)  I hear this cop yell at me, "Ma'am you can't park there!"  I nodded kinda mouthed ok but kept walking to atleast set my chair down since I had to re-park and walk much farther to get to the field.  He yells at me again, "Ma'am I said you need to move your car and you can not park there!"  I see people staring at me and I just got extremely angry and yelled back, "Hey can I atleast put my freakin' chair down first?  I'm handicapped (began to raise my cane and shake it at him giving him the bird) you jerk!"    A very nice man offered to go park my car for me but I declined and realized people were laughing hysterically.. I think they were laughing with me.. Shortly after that the cop left and here the moron had parked his cruiser infront of the new No Parking signs so NOONE could see them. 

My daughter said I didn't embarass her, which was good.. I guess her team mates think I'm cool and it was, "Sooo awesome your mom told that cop off!"  I feel embarassed because I normally wouldn't display anger like that infront of children.. Other parents walked by me and were giving me the "nod" of props lmao… I guess I need to evaluate myself again..  Anger out bursts I just can't accept from myself.  I'm not embarassed to have to use a cane it just makes life a bit harder and I get frustrated with myself because I can't do what I used to be able to do as easily or w/o pain.   For the rest of the night I just felt angry and wanted to rage and vent… Today I feel down,sluggish… Going to lay in the sun and get a nice burn. 

Off topic, the bassist from Slipknot was found dead.  RIP Paul Dedrick Gray.  What a loss to the rock/metal community.  Glad I saw them last year.  Truely one of the most unique bands to ever exhist…