Tuesday night I went to the gym, and I usually go for 30 minutes. When I was at 27 minutes and had just three left, the power in the gym went completely out and it was totally weird! Imagine just walking away and all of a sudden you almost slip and it's pitch black, and you notice the treadmill beneath your feet has stopped moving! It was so weird! Anyways they had a generator that popped back on but I left because the machines weren't back into moving still. Wednesday I called into work an hour late – I was exhausted and I'm not sure why, I got a full night of sleep. Then after obsessing for a while I called in for the whole day. I guess they were supicious because they questioned what tasks I had due for the day. Also, my main ally here called in as well, so they probably thought we "skipped" together, although I slept pretty much all day. I was freaking out in the morning over whether or not they were freaking out at work because I wasn't there. I'm sure they were, but when you think about it why does it matter? I have the leave time, that's what it is there for, and although I said I had a doctors appointment and I really didn't, it should really be none of their business why I missed. "Was this on the calendar?" I was asked. "No," I said. I thought up a plan, saying I called this morning to see if I could get into this doctor out of town and they said we have an opening today or within the next few months, so I took today. One girl I work with suggested I "bring a note." So that's what I was freaking out about, but after I took a few Lorazepam, I fell right asleep and slept almost all day. The main anxiety for the day was gone and I was very thankful. I got some groceries, much needed, and made tacos and watched American Idol. I like being able to stay home with my fiance' and dogs. Even if we are in separate rooms I feel at peace and safe. Love that. Today at work I found out that I will be going to a program tomorrow out of town, though we will be back before five. I seriously don't want to go, and am a little pissed they didn't even mention it. But what can you do, though?

 

I woke up at 3 a.m. thinking my thoughts in a narrative, much like Kevin on The Wonder Years. Either that, or as if I were writing a journal entry. It's so weird to have your thoughts pouring out of your mind and falling into thin air instead of being recorded where you can view them at a later time.

 

I am rambling but it feels good to just get all of my thoughts out of my head, it is cleansing. Today it is snowing a bit, but it's not too windy so I love it.

 

Tonight I will go to the gym, and then be thankful that tomorrow is Friday. After I go out of town and get back from work, my fiance' and I are actually packing up the dogs (our kids basically) and heading back to the same town! I wish there was a way they could drop me off or something, so I wouldn't have to ride that long, you know, take the trip twice. Oh well. More time for thoughts, right!

 

Hope all is well and have a good day!

 

Side Note: When I was editing my blog I wondered if, when you hit delete next to a blog, if a warning came up informing you that you were about to delete a blog. Well, I should have copied my blog first because I had a compulsion to hit the delete button and my blog about Getting Back In Shape is gone. I'm sad, ugh, I swear. Now I'm a little freaked out, but I had to know what the button did. I would definitely never be able to get a job guarding a really important button, because I would end up having to touch it, and then more than likely push it. Man, I'm really disappointed. Ah, stupid OCD!

1 Comment
  1. JenCat 11 years ago

    Hi ! I have days like that, too.  I think it’s good that we have this place where we can express ourselves freely and be around people more like us. I hope today is going better for ya. Hang in there !

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