Sorry this is so long… this is a rant for sure.

So I was just told this by someone I thought was a good friend. If you could have heard the whole conversation you would see why I'm so frustrated right now. The thing is he's right! He couldn't be any more right then when he was making that comment, but unfortunately this isn't something I can just turn on and off. Just decide one day "well ya know what I'm just gonna stop all this ocd stuff and worrying and be a typical 19 year old". Trust me if I could I would have A LONG TIME ago! It's just so frustrating because I have been there for him through everything these past few years… ever break up, every family situation, every screwed up job situation, etc. And when I need him most right now his response is basically get over it and go do something. These past few months have been really bad between us and the sad thing is I know he'll be back, he always comes back. But this time idk if I can take him back. I've had enough. I love him which is why I've put up with it all til this point, but I can't do it any longer. I try to look at these situations from the other person's persepective and I can see where someone would get frustrated with me but I'd like to think that the fact that I've ALWAYS been there when no one else was, all the phone calls I took when he needed to talk while I was out with friends, the trips to go see him, defending him when it came to my other friends and family… it wasn't enough. It never is with anyone. I know we all have flaws and I consider my ocd to be a huge one, but I like to think that I compensate all the annoying ocd stuff with being a loyal friend, a good listener, someone to talk to when no one else will, the kind of friend that would drive over 6 states to be there when something was wrong. But I guess not… Unfortunately this isn't the first time this has happened, I feel like I'm getting taken advantage of all the time and then when I finally stand up for myself and say enough is enough they come running back with apologies. But by then the damage has already been done… trust me he's gotten third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances and it hasn't changed. I sometimes say that I wish I could find someone who understands me, but really I'm looking for someone who loves me for me. This ocd isn't going away, it's always going to be apart of me whether I want it to be or not, so I just want someone to love me for every part of me… be it good or bad.