Hello Everyone.

I managed to contact my ex yesterday (Im still upset to call him my ex). I managed to put the number withheld so he answered. I know for a fact if it had said my name on the caller ID he wouldn't have picked up. We spoke for almost an hour. I just kept crying and crying over and over, it also doesn't help that I can barely speak seen as I'm ill. It was so comforting and lovely to hear his voice. Knowing he's okay. He told me he ain't with no one as he's been focusing on sorting his career out (professional sprinter). It still makes me upset thinking even though he hasn't moved on to some girl YET, it will never be me again. I will never be able to get him back. It was the only contact im going to have with him. He's already told me he's moving away soon. I already know I can't do nothing to change his mind of me. Not even changing, mainly becauseI'm stuck. I'm struggling to change because I haven't got help. I can't afford private seen as I'm saving up to move out of here so I'm not with my sister mum or dad anymore. They make me more mad, feel like im going insane. It's so hard, i think it made me feel good to hear his voice again but then I burst into tears more because I heard he is doing so well without me. It's upsetting after 5 years that he's better off without me. And I can't seem to live in the future or look forward. I keep looking back at the past and good times but instead of smiling and thinking they were good memories, I want to relive it all because that was when we was together and I was happy. No matter what I do, I'm really struggling. Fed up of feeling so down and upset, making myself the victim.