As always I'm over thinking again. Something that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 months not that long I know. However we spend most of our time together. He just seems so wishy washy. Like one minute hes super into me then the next its like hes not. I really love him and don't want to do anything to mess it up. I have been trying to make new friends and find ways to stay busy so I will be less needy. It's just with my depression and the way my moods work sometimes I just need him to be there. I feel so bad when I get that needy, Makes me think I am crazy or something. I know he has his own issues and stresses I just finally got to a point in my life where I don't want to deal with everything on my own anymore. Its very hard for me to open up. I have always been the suffer in silence and fix it myself type. Guess thats why I am giving this a try as well. I'm just so confussed and lost right now. I ranble through my thoughts and am trying so hard to make myself better just not really sure what to do or where to start really. Maybe theres nothing wrong with me. Maybe its everyone else view on me thats wrong. I don't know. I know I need to work on letting things go. I do hold on to things really strong sometimes. Sometimes I really wish I could just erase my memories. Then it hits me the good ones would be gone as well. Just seems that the bad ones stand out a bit more. Some wounds never heal. Just scab and scar leaving their presents forever known. I'm just really scared if I don't find a way to control my moods better I may lose one of the most important people in my life. I don't know if I can handle losing anyone else.


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