From July to August,I went through another three sessions with the therapist.One in the middle of July and Another two in August(the beginning of the month and in the middle of the month).

I don't quite remember what exactly we talked about in the sessions since I was too lazy to put it down in the first place,but anyway I think I acted more confidently when we talked.I talked about that I learnt to stand up and fight for myself when someone had tried to bring down my self-esteem.But I still had concerns about my sleep patterns.My therapist told me I might need more exercise since my anxiety level was still high in a way.Then she encouraged me to keep taking Cipralex,which was something I don't feel comfortable about.Actually I started to feel like the therapis didn't know my condition that well.At some point she would make mistakes trying to intepreting my body language.For example,once I lowered my head to talk more calmly.I didn't feel depressed or sad.But she thought I was trying to hide my sadness by avoiding showing her my teary eyes.That was why I found it very amused when she passed me a box of tissue paper suddenly.Seriously I think I smirked in front of her.Then I felt into silence.

After the last session,I didn't book any appointment with the therapist again.It is not like I started to hate any CBT session.I just ran out of things to talk about at the moment.I talked and got heard.Then I reflected and started to learn to figure out the next step in my life(I remember I talked about my career plan with the therapist when she asked me,which would not be a possible thing in the past eight months at least).I got something from those CBT session,that is a tiny bit faith in myself.I could feel hopes more easily than before(I mean when I was extremely stressful).My therapist is a good guide during the sessions of my recovery to some degree.But I don't think I can 100% dependent on anyone to fix my problem.Therapist did a good job to help me.The rest is up to me to make it work.

At the beginning of September,I decided to cut back on the dosage of Cipralex.For one thing,I hated seeing myself asking for a refill and a double dosage from my physician.My theory is I had enough going through the chaos in my head when I was taking Cipralex from half an tablet to a tablet.I know the therapist advised me to consult the physician to see it was suitable to add the dosage.And more importantly,I know how I felt and how my instinct kept telling me it was not right to put myself into a vulnerable position of getting hooked up to an anti-depressant.I mean,I would not say Cipralex didn't work on my at all.It worked.But it is not a magic pill.I could feel my happy hormone meter rising little by little.However light-hearted I felt,I was still avoiding my problem(that is,keeping procrastinate on my work).I felt far better…and I was not doing anything beside making myself feeling better.So what is the point of pushing myself into taking the drug? Actually the most obvious side effects is even when I started to cut back on the medicine I felt nauseous easily.On top of that, I got tensions on the back of my head.I know most so-called experts would say it is signs of the anti-depressant working on your brain.Still I was so freaked out.I felt like I was a puppet under the control of the anti-depressant.More and more I felt weak inside.My life was controlled by medication.How scary and pathetic was that? So I took the half dosage for two weeks and totally cut off on the medicine at the end of September. To be honest,that was the only time in my life to take any anti-depressant.I think three months of Cipralex is enough for me.