I just saw a sharp object on the Internet for sale… it just happened to be an ad on a regular website, and I thought about it longingly. I fantasized about what it would be lie to cut myself again. My depression is spiraling… and fast. I’m trying to make it stop. I catch myself in a negative thought, I see a trigger, I put those thoughts away, I remove myself from the trigger. It will be a short week and then I can be with my family again, and they’ll make me feel better. Until then I need to stay strong. I need to stay out of bed and face the world, even though there is nothing to face. I’m alone. I have a couple people I can turn to, but I don’t want them to feel burdened. I don’t want them to see me weak. They have already seen me weak and I’m ashame for it. I told one loved one about my depression today and they ignored it. No one is here on DT to talk to, either.
I want to disappear. I don’t know why I bother. How have I gotten so far… why do I keep putting myself through this. It is just the same thing, over and over.
FROM: Every Day Is Exactly The Same Lyrics
Artist(Band):Nine Inch Nails
I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I’m happy here
Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend
I can’t remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end.