I just saw a sharp object on the Internet for sale… it just happened to be an ad on a regular website, and I thought about it longingly.  I fantasized about what it would be lie to cut myself again.  My depression is spiraling… and fast.  I’m trying to make it stop.  I catch myself in a negative thought, I see a trigger, I put those thoughts away, I remove myself from the trigger.  It will be a short week and then I can be with my family again, and they’ll make me feel better.  Until then I need to stay strong.  I need to stay out of bed and face the world, even though there is nothing to face.  I’m alone.  I have a couple people I can turn to, but I don’t want them to feel burdened.  I don’t want them to see me weak.  They have already seen me weak and I’m ashame for it.  I told one loved one about my depression today and they ignored it.  No one is here on DT to talk to, either. 

I want to disappear.  I don’t know why I bother.  How have I gotten so far… why do I keep putting myself through this.  It is just the same thing, over and over.

FROM: Every Day Is Exactly The Same Lyrics
Artist(Band):Nine Inch Nails

   

I can feel their eyes are watching

In case I lose myself again

Sometimes I think I’m happy here

Sometimes, yeah, I still pretend

I can’t remember how this got started

But I can tell you exactly how it will end.

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