Well 5 years ago, I thought I was free of the bug, because I had 2 negative Elisa's after "the incident", beforethe incident and getting a widow (my babes was killed in an asault, let me tell you knowing that your husband was killed 6 days before, I had "mother and an aunt checking the appartment" as all gosiper old ladies, do. I read the name of my brother in law, and the subjet of the email "I'm so sorry" and then the news that made my world upside down, I began to break all in the studio, the monitor, all I had close to my hands, and screaming as crazy, of course the old gossippers came to the studio and asked me if something happened, them, them just them who didn't wanted me to marry an older guy (16 years), such hypocrit women trying to make me stop. I runned to my room and closed it, and cry and cry until I saw blood between my legs…. a miscarriage the second in my life. I just took a shower and went alone to the doctor, he got scared put my an injection and made my sleep.

My life hasn't been heaven, I was born in a middle upper class family, grampa a rich cattler. Since we were 5 all were woke up at 5 am, to help in the farm. I was the only girls and I had to take care of the eggs and the hens and of Pericles (my rooster) who only lef me feed him and play with him, anybody else had tobe out of the chicken coop. And then to be fed by one of the cows, the cow walked and I crawled after her boobies, until they say I was almost killed by a bull, bah, my favorite food was gone.

Then all, like 20 between sons, grandchildren and servants to have breakfast, all those fresh eggs, and a steak, fresh milk. They say my mother got very sick and almost died after i was born and they tookme to one of dad's brothers, then grampa and gramma and all the bunch of uncles and cousins took take of me. Never remenber a single coddling from her, I was gramma's daughter until I was older than they took me away from her and my nanny, yes each brother and sister even the twins had their own nanny. Dad always at the mine, mother always with her socialité friends and cousins.

They put me in the same boarding school were mom, gramma, greatgrams, and all the greats studied, but I was 2 years younger than my classmates, and I don't know why those women were so mean, they made me kneel on rocks just because I cried, until my legs were all hurt. I was 5 the other girls 7 or 8 and one was my niece.

It wasn't until one of my cousins was raped that they decided to send all of us to the International's Brittish school we were Christian, Muslin, Jewish children in the same school. Of cour no religion, no god, grerat. There I broke one eye, the same leg 2 or 3 times, but I was happy we were wild but very special children, under average were in the same classes (as my Down brother) normal as the twins took other subjetct and over rated as me in others, but we were so wild, but very good students. Many of us couldn't end school together because the government ordered that each religion would have it's own school.

Then a year or 2 to Barcelona, school was so close to the Frech border that we escaped to other language, to the french Countryside untill we were caught and punished a month going to school even weekends but all the teachers were so cool that we didn't care. Then again a change to Cuba, I almost forgot spanish in Barcelona and again to another language. I was supposed to be in the Canadian Nun's School but I was so afraid to be even touched by one that I studied in the public school with my red uniform singing "I'm a little communist revolutionary pioneer" and fighting for grades, only the 10 best of each class would go to the University so we studied very hard because the government would waste it's money in donkeys. I cried a lot when I leftt the Island to go to the USA…

My sibblings again to the Catholic school, me to a public one, could understand a word because of my brittish accent and their weird english, at the end my english was spoiled again. I was 14 and I had invitations to 4 colleges. I told dad, if school is like this I wont go to college here: Cuba or Peru, chose!

At 15 already i College in Peru (dad didn't want me to study arts, so I decided the easiest career: LAW, you only needed to read classes were until 3 pm and then running to the Conservatory (that was free), studied 6 years of law, History, Archeology and Clasicall music, so no time for boys.

Ended the U and I was already teaching, found dad dead in his sleep and became the man of the family. Because none lawyer could use a computer I began teaching in college and college. Then to the School of Law to take care of all the computing systems. I was supposed to enter to a convent to learn how to cook, lol, but dad died. I made more than 1 grands and had to help with my sibblings studies and medicines (one is down the girl had a cadiac condition) but she was great scheduling the house and going to study so I came back from work, kept 100 or 200 bucks for me and all was for the house. Never went shoppin there were women who came to the office bringing beautifull clothes and we could pay in 2 or 4 parts, the same was with jewelry but I kept my sibblings safe.

They finished their studies began to work and I already made 9 grands a month, and I was only 27!! As XK my life was going to expensive restaurants with my girlfriends, pubs. Met again my bohemian friends. I was already IT's National Manager in an important public organization, worked with people of the World Bank they always brought me music, books and from time to time my favorite perfume Laura's Ashely #1. In my trips aways had to stay one or 2 days in Panama City… wow!!! all was so cheap but food , I always made the line to get in the plane at the end of the line, so all was full and Taca gave me 2 grands and a 4 stars hotel and a bus to buy, buy and buy.

Each year I had to make my work vacations the same weeks of the Us ones. So I could travel and co from time to time to Cuba, yes to meet my high school sweerheart, the worm now is in Valencia….

The AT&T called me doubled the salary and I took many of my people, they were my right hands,ears, eyes all. I was 35. Met my husband figthed agains mother and her family who didn't knew he sold antique cars to the rich and famous and because of the way he dressed never knew HE WAS LOADED but even me didn't knew.

Sis decided to live in the States in San Francisco and in less than a year she had 4 heart attacks, she was a Bussiness Administrator, but she wanted to be with her school's best friend, I told her go to Europe, I have contacts you'll be in a good job married to a doctor. Each time she had an attack they treated with TYLENOL. My babes was assault by mexicans in Texas and had brain dead (february 3rd), grampa died at 98 in may and sis December 21th just 10 days after her 30th birthday. I spent 2 months in the shrinks house.

Thanks that was in the Us vacations so nobody noticed, but I was already out of ATT, teaching in other Us, filling my days with work. August 2002 a Sunday, An ex boss and I had a small office in his house in the garage. I opened the door a man smelling like shit attacked me. It was my boss' second son who just arrived from jail: drugs. He hit me so much, I tried to find something to cut him and nothing, still remenber the smell. They offered money and told me that I wasgoing to lose because he was the grandson of an ex peruvian President and his family also had a big newspaper, I just walked again and never went back. My uncle the Coronel couldn't do anything, my doctor kept it in privacy keeping me in his hospital, all the test went negative, test back in 6 months.

I changed a lot had a small gun, pepper spray all to keep me safe. Everytime a guy touched me in the street got a good shot of spray. Again therapy, another yearr without working a friend asked me to work with him in a Cientific Institute, met an argentinian scupltor, felt in love and AIDS began after the coma and 3 months in the hospital, reached my 3 "lovers" and made them take the test: NEGATIVE. But he was already in Argentina, he called once and told me how much he loved me, could tell him a word and cried for days.

Then came to Tribe, in fact those "quotes" that were a few month ago in the main page were lies, all the ones whose quotes were there treated me so bad. In that time Tribe was full of European people and I talked to them in their languages. They said I was a snob. Why if Ionly tried all those who's english wasn'tgood to feel confortable reading poems in their own languages? I was very attacked, insulted.

There was a man who said he loved me, he never protected me, it was me against a pack of wolves. But I met a lot of people as wizzo, Mark, my sisters, is for them that I still come from now an then.

But I keep of falling down, sleep all day because I can't sleep at night, and keep hours clicking on silly Facebook Games, don't care about my career, walk with a cane thanks to Herpes Zoster (today my leg hurt so much I wanted to cry), still don't know if to commit suicide, read all my cousin's books about substances that can poison me. And I stop even taking a shower, don't worry today I'll take one.

As they say good girls go to heaven, but I'm on hell…….

Shalom,