I've been in counseling for a few months now. It's been helping a little. I finally got a job…just waiting to start my training. My husband and I have a decent amount in savings now…I only hope we move out soon, like by February. I've been getting along more with my mother-in-law. Nana on the other hand…(my husband's step-dad's mom) she still strikes me all the time. Waits till we're alone to lash out and make my life miserable. And just 2 days ago she admitted to making my life miserable! She knows what she's doing to me and she doesn't care. She just wants me dead.

I've tried everything to get my mind off things. To ignore her. Things that use to make me happy but nothing works! The fear is too great.

Also, my counselor has informed me that this whole time I've been having panic attacks and didn't even know it! How am I suppose to deal with this? And now that I know what they are I've been tracking down every time it happens….and I've been having panic attacks atleast once a day or every other day!!!

I've been going back to church..but I feel like when I'm there everyone can see right through me. Everyone can see how weak I am. And I start to shake and they ask questions and it's all so overwhelming.. I freeze.

I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch in almost a year. It's been too hard to eat. Food just isn't as appealing when I'm anxious or depressed.

I still haven't taken my G.E.D or learned to drive. Other than finally getting a job, I don't think I'll ever get my freedom of being an adult.

How can I take control of my own life? I don't know who has control right now, but it seems like it's everyone BUT me.