I have problems talking about things that bother me, even the people I’m close to and love. My brain screams at me not to, and hinders all attempts. I freeze up, anxiety skyrockets, and I have a few or many symptoms such as; difficulties stringing sentences together, shaking, sweating, feel short of breath, lightheaded, and feeling I’m going to pass out.
Sometimes I even have bad dreams, and in this stage my mind distorts and focuses on the absolute worse case scenarios. The dreams are very vivid and hard to push out of my mind. Even if I know that likeliness of it happening is astronomically low, it still fixates and spirals.
Over the years, I’ve gotten into the habit of just shutting down. I know it is not the healthy way of dealing with my problem. It is hard to break this cycle when it seems like your brain is sabotaging you at every turn.
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling like this link. I wish I could give you advice but I’m bad at having important conversations too. My face flushes, it gets harder to speak, and I can’t stop myself from crying when I try to have the big issue conversations. I wish I had more to say than yourself, myself, and some many other people feel this way sometimes…but hopefully we won’t feel this way forever. I wish I could say more you are such a nice person and reading your messages always make me feel good inside.
Thanks you for you kind words. I’ve blogged a few times to give my thoughts something more tangible then just being stuck in my head as abstract. I have a document that I just type things I’m feeling and when I have enough to make a some what coherent blog, I put it out there.
It saddens me that you go through this severe anxiety. I have trouble with really bad anxiety at certain times too and have had some experience with panic attacks, as a result of overwhelming stress. It’s a terrible feeling. Kudos for pushing yourself to talk about it openly, on here!
I have a suggestion for difficult conversations. Have you ever thought of writing letters to express difficult things you want to talk about with loved ones? I came out to my dad in a letter and it was the best way I could have started that conversation. I got to say everything I wanted to say without the risk of being interrupted or forgetting anything.
When it comes to managing the anxiety the best way to go about it is to talk to a professional and find coping strategies, in a safe space, that help reduce the severity of the symptoms you’ve been experiencing. If you’re unable to seek out a professional, have you looked into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) strategies that you could try on your own?
I hope this helps in some way and I hope that soon you’re able to find healthy and safe coping strategies that make things better for you. 🙂 It’s good that you know that you have loved ones and friends, both in person and online, that are here for you. Keep remembering that!
I have done that when I told my wife about when I finally told her about the whole gender issue. I guess that is why I’ve found blogging a bit therapeutic to write it, although a few times I’ve felt ill after writing. I still get anxieties before hitting that post button on this site.