i was in an accident yesterday.  nothing major.  the police, in fact, called it a "non reportable."  no damage to my car or the other guys car.  no one hurt, though my head got knocked off the steering wheel and i had a slight headache.

they asked if i needed an ambulance and i said no.  they (the other car) called one, anyway.  along with the ambulance comes the police.  the EMTs check me out and i’m fine.  no unsteady gait, no dilated pupils, no signs of drug use … not drunk.  but as i exit the vehicle, I see the other car from the accident leaving and the cops are right there and asking me question after question. 

"why are your eyes twirling around that like?"  "why are you breathing so heavily?"  "why are your legs shaking?"  i tried to explain that i suffer from anxiety disorder (and hello? WAS just in an accident) and being in this situation has caused my symptoms to go full blown.  they didn’t believe me.  i don’t know if it was piercings and tattoos … if i gave off some kind of attitude (i don’t recall that) … or perhaps they haven’t met their quota for the month.

because those state police bastards handcuffed me and took me in (while a few other officers stayed behind to go through my car). 

they started with questioning.  am i on anything?  DO i take anything?  yeah, i laid all my prescritpions out – citalopram (for depression), geodon, xanax (for anxiety), ambien (to help me sleep – doesn’t work anyway), synarel to put me into menopause until my endometriosis surgery in october, and percocet for the pain incase i get my period anyway.  had i taken any that day?  yes.  was i allowed to drive while on them?  well, if i wasn’t, i’d never leave home, i take stuff all day.  and i was NEVER told i couldn’t operate a vehicle.  and i asked them again … "maybe this was just an accident?  ya know, no cause behind it … just an accident."

that wasn’t enough.  they kept me there for another 2 HOURS giving me breathalyzer tests (two of them, that i passed, since i wasn’t drinking), field sobriety tests (all with my eyes closed and that i passed), checked my pupils in the light, checked them in the dark with an infrared light, shined a bright light directly into them to see what size my pupils were (they were fine).  they wanted my temperature, my blood pressure, my pulse – at least three times a piece.  they made me open my mouth to check for anything hidden or crust on my teeth from a drug i may have taken earlier.  they checked my arms for TRACK MARKS!  can you believe that?  when i asked what he was doing, he said, "checking your muscle tone."  i’m not an idiot!!!! 

i’m crying at that point and they say, "you need to just calm down.  why are you freaking out???  we’re not doing anything to you."  again, i told them, "i have anxiety … i have never been handcuffed.  you have me here under false pretense.  this is ridiculous!!!!"

they told me to look at them (not the clock) and tell them what time it was.  i got that right, though i’m not sure how, since time just blended together.  then they went into my family history, my medical history.  my personal habits (NONE of their business).

again, 2 HOURS of this nonsense, when the ambulance had already cleared me of being drunk or high.  police obviously have no concern or perhaps do not even believe that there are such things as anxiety disorders.  the accident was caused by a simple mistake.  my reaction was caused by their attitudes and ignorance. 

… and the worst point is, i’m now depressed.  and i don’t want to drive my car.  i feel like they’ll find some way of putting me in another situation just to try and bust me for something.

because at the end of the night, i left the precinct … no charges, because i had done nothing that i could have been charged with.  they tried so hard to find something that wasn’t there.  and i didn’t even get an apology for being made to look like an ass.  no, "we’re sorry we treated you like a crack whore."  nothing.

so, i came home last night with my face and hands completely numb from an anxiety attack … and woke up hating the world.  it’s been five months since i burned myself and after last night … i fell off the wagon.  🙁  i’m not in a good space right now.

i would sue them but i know nothing would come out of it and i would probably end up being the party in the wrong.  this is just wrong … never should have happened.  to me or anyone else.    just wrong.