I had a very difficult day today. It seemed as if the universe said this was the day for everything to fall apart and there was nothing I could do about it. My mother in law called me today very angry and let loose on me, then hung up. Later, she called me a lying devious woman who is doing nothing but sitting around the house and never goes anywhere. She didn't know I heard that part. It tore me apart. I haven't had any kind of relationship with my own family for years, and I always thoght we had a special relationship. I looked on her as not just a mother in law, but the mother I had always wanted and never had. She had told me many times I was the daughter she never had and always wanted.

Needless to say, I had thought we were close and able to comunicate in a positive way. After hearing what she said about me today, even though she didn't know I heard it, I felt that it tore apart any bonds we had formed over the past seven years. I had no idea what to do, so I sat and cried for a while, then I got angry. Thankfully I had a wonderfully wise friend who talked me out of doing anything stupid out of anger that would permanatly sever our relationship. Or what was left of it anyway. She pointed out to me that in her mind I was a safe target to vent her frustrations at, and that she probably still tinks of me the same way as she always has. But this was such a difficult thing for me to handle. I felt very hurt and anxious. I wanted to call her and try and talk with her about how she made me feel, even though I knew it would just aggravate the situation. So I sat down and put my feelings on paper, and tried to let them go. Her family does not function on a very healthy level and I have to learn how to deal with this in my own way. Mostly I need to learn to let go. That is the most difficult part for me. My anexiety is triggered and my need to controll the situation to help tame my anexiety kicked in.

Thankfully, as I said before, I have some very wise and wonderful people who totally unstand and agree with me and how I feel about this preceved betrayal. But they also helped me to understand that she probably doesn't understand what I felt, and that confronting her would only make matters worse. So her I am, trying to vent and let go. Hopefully i will be successful. We shall see.