Ok so it's been about 3-4 weeks since I found out my HIV status might have changed. I'm still mad at my ex, more for her not breaking it off with me if she wasn't satisfied with me than possibly exposing me to HIV, I'm just as responsible as her in that particular regard. I'm trying my hardest to forgive her but every time I think about it I'm still as angry as when I first found out.

Because of this I'm just frustrated with myself. I feel like a hypocrite every time I give someone advice that has a topic of "mellow out" I know in my head she didn't mean to hurt me but no matter how hard I try I still can't completely forgive her… I used to take pride in the fact that I'm the most even tempered and understanding person I know. I think what I'm trying to say is "Without that neutral, centered part of my personality, I don't really know what I am."

Adding the fact that I want to get tested again ASAP to confirm my status and knowing that I have to wait for at least another 2 months to all of this is making me really anxious. I slip in and out of bits of calmness and anxiety. I think I've had some symptoms, sore throat, headaches, and this weird hot sensation in my stomach but I know that it could be the flu or anything else. I've decided to not worry my family with the news until I know for certain I definitely have something to worry about.

Meanwhile I'm frequently pulling overtime at work. I'm actually quite grateful for this, when I have something to focus on I know I don't have to worry so much about things. Also all of this is really good for my art I'll be uploading some more samles of the works that I'm not entering into contests as soon as I can find a way to get them down to 1 MB lol.

Take care all… if I come up with any relevant HIV news that my friend Tecknique hasn't given to you I'll gladly share it 😀


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