I have had a couple few weeks. Last week I really couldn't stand some the things my mom was saying. She was upsetting me pretty much on every level. And wihin 2 days I took 40 xanax. It really is not a way to handle problems and I regret it. The hospital stay was awful. Hopefully this is a wake up call.

I am still struggling with my obsession that my voice sounds sterotypically gay. I can't seem to break it. I do have to say this and I think this is adding to it. A few months ago, I was on here and there was a guy that was truly harrassing me. I don't know if he is austic or not. He said he was, but after thinking about his behavior. I don't know. Giving him my phone # at the time was a huge mistake, but after he wouldn't stop calling me non stop. I finally asked him nicely to stop. He would not. Then I got really angry and swore at him to leave me alone. During oune of our phone convseration he was discussing figure skaters. He then commented on some of them sounding effemine. After since the incident 3 months ago the thought of my voice sounding gay has worstened. Its to the point now where I am crippled by the thought.

The only things I can seem to do is jog/run. my apartment looks like a trash can, and I don't have much motivation to do much else. I am also a little concerned because my cats are sneezing I think they UR infections 🙁

Being in the hopsital was rough because I was so depressed I didn't get out of bed. I lost 10 pounds I  didn't really have to lose. I think I have gained most of it back after being released 4 or 5 days ago. Now I am worried people are looking/starring at me cause I got too thin.

I guess I am just struggling. But the harrassment was a little much. Even up to a month ago or so I was getting friend request on different sites from the guy

Thanks for letting me vent

Justin