I joined this site because I am tired of feeling like garbage, getting enraged over little things, scared out of my skin, insecure, and sad, very very sad. These issues are causing every relationship in my life to suffer.The man I love I hurt themost and I really dont have a good reason why.

I have alot of baggage in my past but I wont let it follow me. Its time to end this and I'm starting by writing down how I'm feeling and what triggers me to become Crazy!

2 days ago my soon to be mother inlaw whom I love and care for called me by my fiances name. I didnt say anything to her I just stepped out of the room pretending I didnt hear anything. I forgive her and let it go. It was a mistake.

Yesterday my fiance was laughing about the 'Slip Up' with his sister saying HER name over and over again. I did everything in my power not to flip out. Its not a big deal to them. She was the past. My Fiance was married to a girl who cheated on him and aborted his baby. Then she called back in January asking for him back which as a good person I would say if she really wanted to try again and had stayed away from other men I would give my blassing and let him go if thats what he wanted. I love him so much. But she said something that made my blood boil.. She told him that she missed them together, he said aren't you still with the guy you cheated on me with? She said Yeah but its just not working out….

WHAT??!! Its just not working out!!!???!!!! WHO SAYS THAT??!!!! She just wants to go back to whats comfortable. I have to give her to God everyday and ask forgiveness for me hating her so much. She has had everything I ever wanted, Shehad theLove ofMY Life, pregnant with his baby, and they were married. And she threw it all away.

Her name is Alex. (Alexandra) and just writing it down makes my chest tighten and my hands want to shake. I was NEVER EVER jealous before.. and he doesnt care about her. Could care less actually. I dont knowwhats wrong with me.