Every night, mostly, Is a constant struggle of intrusive thoughts, I am afraid of why we breathe, I am scared to stop breathing and then my heart palpitations react and I get a panic attack and believe in my thoughts, then I get light headed and scared. Before I go to sleep, I drink a Lemon Balm or St.Johns Wort tea, trying to not rely on it every night unless my situation is severe which the tea helps me get a good rest and soothes my mind. At night the weirdest images and thoughts come in my head, I try breathing techniques yet…it comes back again, throbbing my brain, my life, I feel paralyzed and out of body experiences, sometimes my arms and hands feel like they arent attached to me like a psychotic illusion! So I come online to forget about it and knowing I dont sleep until 1:30 or 2 a.m.Truly sometimes I am afraid. But I am happy to know I am not alone and everyone else on this site has different problems and we can all be there to help each other. It’s a good feeling to write down well…type how you feel before going to sleep. Sometimes the bed is my happiest place, I can’t walk in stores half the time and my work is a store and its hard, sometimes I can’t breathe then I know my thoughts come back and I want to go home, but I suffer through it and at the end am happy I made it through another day, I love to sleep but I’m scared to sleep. I’m scared of a lot of things, but that’s what OCD is an I am not ashamed of it. Neither is it something to be proud of, but not ashamed of it. 

1 Comment
  1. ariel2224 5 years ago

    I so understand! Trying to stop my mind at night is the worst. My heart races and I feel like I can’t get a complete breath. I try so hard to not let my mind go to all that worries me but before I know it I’m there again and the minutes turn to hours then I’m exhausted the next day. It’s such a depressing battle. I’m so sorry you are going through this also but it does bring comfort knowing we are not alone

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