Sometimes I feel like I am an actress, or a broadway star, or just someone who knows how to put on a really good show for everyone else around me.  My whole life I have had to play a part and pretend to be okay and live in a house with parents who think I am someone who is completely perfect with nothing wrong at all.  But these past 8 years have been the hardest, the hardest at trying to pretend to be okay and hiding all of my fears and insecurities.  The wall I have been slowly building is collapsing and somedays it is so hard to breathe .  I am tired of holding my breath and pretending like all is okay, cause things are not okay.  On top of having anxiety, I also live my life fighting with my binge eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder.  Every morning waking up has been a living nightmare and trying to spend my days working on ignoring that small voice in my head that is telling me that I am not worth it, that I am ugly and should be ashamed of how I look, or not to eat because “you will keep getting fatter and fatter”  is so tiring.  Even worse are the days where I can’t get myself to stop eating.  I apologize if this sounds like a giant rant about how awful my life has been, because I don’t mean it to be.  But being a part of a community where I know that I am not alone and know that everyone is trying their best helps me cope and helps me release some of the breath that I have been holding for so long.  So I take everyday, one minute at at time just trying to breathe.

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