I worry about so much. I worry about too much. Anything
normal minded people worry about, I lose sleep and have
panic attacks over. Things that are only dreams and
imaginatory scenarios, feel like they could happen at any
time to me. I know that my worry is so illogical, and
irrational, but I have no idea how to turn it off. I can\'t
take my mind out of that state. If I can think about
something else for even a moment, my mind redirects me and
I think about it even more. Some of the things that
trigger my anxiety attacks are really strange, and most
people would have no problem thinking about them. For
instance, when Savanna talks or does something new, I feel
an anxiety attack coming. Her talking to me makes me freak
out. I am really proud and happy about her talking now,
but I get so freaked out. I feel it all in my stomach and
then my breathing changes. My heart feels like its
pounding. I have a real hard time watching movies now. If
its a horror about zombies over taking the world, I\'ll
have terrible anxiety about that actually happening. If
its a thriller, I can\'t take the anticipation of what
happens next. I get panicky from the suspense. This
anxiety problem affects every single part of my life, and
I am ready to make stop. I am just so scared of the
process, and it not working. I don\'t want to feel like
this forever. I need to re train my brain to think
differently and maybe even control this. Doctor says its
not anything I can just turn off. She says its a chemical
imbalance that is making this happen. I hope this medicine
can help with that. As soon as I have enough available
time to go to therapy, I am going to. Taking care of two
little kids is going to be so hard if I have to do it like
this. These terrible thoughts need to disappear so I can
move on with my life…..maybe even start over.
