After months of aching turns on the rhumor mill, 'the company' laid off approx 3000 of us last week.  It was devastating!  Word had been leaked Wednesday night from the office of the CEO that a riff was coming but it was unknown how far and wide it would reach.  Thursday morning no one sat at their desks… all gathered in hallways, in the coffee rooms.  Some laughing, others staring distantly.  It started just before 9am with our inhouse messaging system going down.  An email was sent confirming a restructuring to take place this day.  Then a few of us were locked from our network accounts.  Then a few of our PCs were powered down.  Just after 9am a small group (5 people) were taken to our VP's office for 'the talk'.  About 20 minutes later the rest of us in our division were brought to another conference room.  We were all given our notice to pack our belongings.  Out of over 60 people, 5 were staying!

Packing up was rough.  Taking down photos and drawings from my boys, funny notes from co-workers.  I wavered between relief and anguish.  This was my family.  So many amazing people were now my friends because of this place.  It's almost like a cult in how close we were; hugging daily and telling each other 'I love you'.  And meaning it.  I'd be ok just focusing on the physical task of packing but would fall to tears when someone stopped to say goodbye.

Since then I've had an interview with a head hunter (less than excited about that outfit) and interviewed with a friends' advertising company for a position that, while not my forte and at less pay than I was making, offers an amazing opportunity.  The latter took place yesterday and I shook from head to toe as I left the office.  My anxiety attacks had all but disappeared till last week.  Now I find myself gasping for breath and in paralyzing fear. 

I'm moving forward instead of curling up in bed (like I'd prefer to be doing 😉 ) but am overcome with anxiety at least once per day.  I know this is transitory… if you have suggestions for ways I can keep my center, to realize this, too, shall pass, I welcome them.

Love and Light