I feel like anxiety is a dark cover over everything in my life. It has stolen my joy for living, my trust in myself and others, and it paralyzes me in a way that prevents me from moving on in my life. Life feels stagnant and uncomfortable all the time.

I wake up and have to force myself to go through the motions of getting ready for work. Inside I feel doom and stress. It is almost a sensation equivelant to a death or tragedy in my life. I try deep breathing and thinking myself through it but it gets worse. I dread mornings because that is when anxiety is the highest.

For therapy and meds I have done it all expect of course illegal drugs. Right now I do not have a therapist. My best therapist ever, retired. I have not been able to find a replacement. I have been off the anti-depressants for 2 months. I notice nothing different, they did not help. I take Gabapentin for anxiety. It helps sometimes but coming off of it 6 hours later provokes more anxiety. It also makes me so tired I fall alseep at 8:00 some nights. I also take Lithium but don't know if that really does a thing.

I had been on Lorazapam for over 10 years. I never felt I was addicted to it because I can go off of it for several months, Lately though, I need it. To sleep, to cope, to live. I do want to ask for something less dangerous though.

I am tired of all this.The meds, the psychiatrist who I feel has put me into a categoryand has shut the door.

To top it all off, non-anxious people don't get it! It hurts, the the things they say. Such as,"you're just never happy". So I try todo my best act as a"normal" person, put on the happy face. They don't understand what a struggle it is to get through the day and do my best to be happy when inside I am fighting a battle just to be.

Does any of this resonate with anyone else?