Hello there! Thank you all of you that commented on my posts back in August. Well, the crazy took over my whole life and my job, family, friends, outlook on life and everything was suffering in a matter of days/weeks. I quickly got back onto the medicine and then had to add another one until I "evened out". I am slowly realizing that this is a disease and it's not something that can just "go away". My body rejected all the organic/herbal stuff. I was covered in hives for weeks!

I guess a fear is the weight gain.. and what if I someday want children? I'll have to get off the medicine for 9 months and beyond? That scares me as well, as thinking about being pregnant makes me anxious anyway! haha.

When I started this process I was so proud of myself for stopping it, and so surprised at how happy I was those first couple months. Then that feeling turned to fear and anxiety very quickly. I then was mad.. very very mad at myself for allowing myself to feel this way. To get anxious again, to think it was this brilliant idea to stop a medicine that was making my life better. Sure, I gained a few pounds (ok a lot) but at the end of the day, as it turns out… I'd rather be a few pounds over and happy than thin and crazy. I never want to feel that way again… or maybe next time i'll be more prepared with a back up plan.
I'm still trying to get back to my "Normal". Today I got so dizzy at work I thought I was going to pass out. I had to sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes before It passed. Strange things like that. I had to fight the urge to run to my car and go to my safe place- home. That's been the hardest. Wanting to stay home all the time. Being fearful that I may be too far away and overthinking what would I do if I had an attack and couldn't escape?
Anyway, I'm babbling now but hopefully still on the road to recovery, just the good ol' normal medicinal way.
3 Comments
  1. Tired_of_This 9 years ago

    I am glad you are feeling a bit better. I can take little to no medicine, so reading lots of books on anxiety/panic and practicing CBT etc. Keep working at your anxiety along with your medicine! Wishing you the best.

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  2. carebear2012 9 years ago

    Hi, so glad your normal is back. I am jealous. I had normal for 2 weeks after horrible 4 weeks of getting back on Prozac with Xanax on the side. I stopped to get pregnant, but I would rather be sane then try to have another child.
    I am seeing my MD today to see if I should change my AD med or increase the Prozac.
    So happy for you, keep going 🙂

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  3. Blue3434 9 years ago

    Carebear (My friends niece has the same nickname 🙂

    I\'m getting there with the \”normal\” but we\'ll all never be normal I guess! haha. It saddens me to think the anxiety is winning over pregnancy. I hope you find a good middle ground with that. I also am on Xanax and it\'s the only thing that stops the anxiety cold. I never took it before this. I hear it\'s highly addictive, but I only take it when I get the suffocating anxiety at work or while I\'m out.

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