Today has been a very long day. Again I wasn't able to stay as long as I wanted to because my brother wanted to go to the movies.

.

despite that I was able to burn even more while I was out. we saw Boruto:Naruto the movie. which I was happy to see but so anxious because there was alot of people.

.

it was at the AMC threatre near Disney, so it was PACKED. I somehow made it through but as soon as it was over I just wanted to get home.

.

I also got a text from my friends Kim, I was very surpirsed because it's usually ME who has to start the conversation. she wants to meet up soon.

.

i'm TERRIFIED. yes, I want to see her i've known her since the 3rd grade. but I don't want her to see me like THIS.

.

One thing I want to clear up, some comments reently make it sound like i'm over weight. which is NOT the case, the problem is i'm way UNDER weight. and I have to gain weight.

.

which I don't want to at all. i'm grateful for the concern but things like that just trigger me. my lowest weight was 80 pounds, i'm currently at 94…which is a NIGHTMARE.

.

THAT is why I need to lose. i CAN'T handle being such a big size. I rather be dead.

.

anyway, so my friend wants to see me but If I cancel on her I don't want her to give up on me. but I don't think i'm ready for people to see me.

.

I don't know…it's so frustrating.

.

Plus my mom keeps nagging me that i'm 'scaring' them (or rather she pins it on my brother) because of how i'm acting and not talking to them and blah blah blah.

.

I wish she'd just take the hint that I don't want to talk to her. she's part of the problem and I want to be left alone.

.

I'm going to try to calm down now…have a good night everyone.