I thought I'll blog about this since just to let it out a bit. I have this boyfriend who I've been with since April 23 and he's the type of guy that works hard and is very self-driven. Which is very good because I like guys like that. And of course he expects the same for me and I like that he thinks that way. The problem is right now I'm struggling in school and I don't work right now. He doesn't mind that at the time being, but he wants me to get better of course. Though at the same time I feel pressured a lot even though he's not asking a lot. He just wants me to try that's all. I'm just scared that when I do try, it might not be good enough for him even though I know that he won't be like that. I have a problem of worrying a lot of what if this what if that on what other people think of me. I do suffer from anxiety and depression and it takes more effort for me to get better than people without those problems. To be honest I'm glad that he's like this because before I met him I never really had any motivation to do anything. I was often depressed and didn't really want to do anything. Now that I met him I have way more motivation and I actually want to be better for myself and him.

The relationship is still fresh and new I know, but I want a serious and mature relationship at the same time. We made good plans for each other this summer and I'm really glad because I'm the one that planned it out. We're going to study together over the summer because we're taking summer classes. He's taking English and Criminology and I'm taking English. I'm majoring in criminal justice and he's really good at English so this is a good fit and therefore we can help each other well. He's going to help look with me for volunteer places and job places so I can do either over the summer. He's also going to take me to a different community college to check it out because I want to take my general ed classes there. We're going to work out/exercise together as well. I'm really glad I made these plans with him because I really want to get better. I'm just glad he wants to be there for me, morally support me, and help me. And of course being patient with me. That's the important part I want from a boyfriend and I want that from him and he reassured me that he will do all those. He's a really good boyfriend and he's been there for me when I needed him. I just want one day for him to tell me that he's really proud of my hard work. I hope that happens.