Well hello everyone.  I have not been on for a bit.  Going through so much right now and need your advice, or just a comment on what  I can do to get through my days.  I recently lost my favorite uncle, who I took care of,  he died a horrible death.  My brother and sister and I  and my aunt did a bedside vigil.  He needed our help, even though he was as hospice, we needed to give him help through his nights.  Well while all this was going on,  My best friend and I went to luch and made a few other stops befor lunch.  I notice that my friend is breathing with trouble.  I took over the driving job and offered her a 911 call, so I could get her to the hospital asap.  She refused to have an ambulance take but agreed to having me take her to yale new haven hospital.  Once in the ER she got worse and they rushed her into a room in the back.  She wanted me with her, but they asked me to sit in the waiting room.  I waited until the nurse turned her head and ran back in.  I went into the area where they were working on her.  she was freaking out and could not breathe.  But she did yell to me, she was happy  I was with her.  Well all in all she stopped breathing and her eyes both rolled to one side at the same time.  I now moved out of the doctors way and they worked on her for  an hour.  I called my husband to call her husband, but it was tooo late.   My BEST Friend died and I was the only one there with her at the time.  The pastor stayed with me.  They previously had tried to throw me out again after she passed so they could work on her and I shouted at them not to touch me and that I was staying where I was, which was right where my friend needed me to be.  So now friendless,  Her wake, then my uncles wake.

Now its just me.  Also still grieving a friend of many years who over dosed on purpose.  I cant seem to get through my days.  I am so sad.  Dont know where I begin or where I end.  Every morning I wake up and remember my losses.  Cant believe so much all at the same time.  How does ones mind cope with this amount of loss.  I am really not good.  This is why I am not on this site alot, because sometimes all I can do is get out of bed and go to work and try to keep my mind busy.  Then the next morning comes and reminds me of my big picture.  YIPE

I am going to the doctor,  have not been able to sleep very well for a month now.  Up until all hours of the night.

Good thing I have my husband and my animals,  otherwise I dont know what would become of me.   And good thing I have this site and you guys to vent to who else would want to hear this stuff?

Well thats Wiggles deal.   Now you know.  What can I do to make to days pass and make the memories of that horrific visit to the hospital go away.  I can still hear her and see her and it just runs over and over in my head.  And then my uncle and those memories.  Also the friend who did herself in,  how do you deal with that,  she lived across the street from me.  I used to babysit her parrots when she went on vacation.

Well what now????????????????????????????????????????????????

WIGGLES