So I didnt sleep much at all last night but still awoke in a good mood this morning. I baked like 3 dozen valentine's day cookies for a fundraiser for my grandmother, had breakfast played with my pet skinny pig, then got ready for work and left. Sounds all good right? It was until around dinner time when I out of nowhere my stupid harm thoughts pop up in my head while using a sharp knife to prepare the dinner at my work. Maybe it was because I just watched the show the vampire diaries and that can be kinda bloody and graphic and people died by a knife and Im tired and woman issues to bootI dont know! So the thoughts start to really frustrate me and anger me because I had been doing somuch betterwith controlling the thoughts since starting Celexa about 3 weeks ago. Then BAM! back to square one with them and at work no less very distressing so much what did I do?I immediately gave in and did my self injury compulsion 3 times. Basically I just slap myself in the head to get rid of the thought and I punch myself in the leg. I know not good eh? I hate myself for giving in to these stupid compulsions and I start an internal war inside me ughhh OCD DIE already!

Well I went on to complete my work and watched some tv while eating my dinner and I felt better afterwards. Then I get a call from the overnight person saying they are probably gonna be late which means I will miss the 1115pm bus home and have to till 1145pm which wont get me home till almost 1am! thats crazy! Well maybe tomorrow will be better I dont have to work till Monday and I am not doing a darn thing but sleeping in tomorrow!


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