Have you ever thought something bad while u was doing a simple task? like putting ur shirt on…or makeup..and be like "no id never want that why did i just think i did?" and then take your shirt off..and think the opposite of the horrible thought? i do this alot..but its mostly thoughts about my soul.
Id never want to sell it or burn in hell…but these "fake" thoughts are tormenting..i just cant take it anymore..ive went through three things of chapstick..wasting them all because one way or another i cant use them..i have to take advil cause my lips hurt so bad…i tryed to buy another tube tonight..but when the germ factor doesnt gett me..the losing or "selling" my soul does…id never want to do that.
so why does these thoughts tourment me…im horrified of dying..what if i get to the gates and they be like"nope sorry u sold your soul" and i never wanted to do that? why does my mind hate me so…
Scrupulosity is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that plagues people who are anxious to please God. For them, the unwelcome, involuntary thoughts or images feature God or the devil, and compulsions feature the need to keep seeking assurance of salvation, or repeatedly engaging in some sort of religious exercise – such as prayer or witnessing or confessing sin – beyond what other Christians feel is needed.
The word scrupulosity alludes to the torment of an oversensitive conscience. It often involves mistakenly thinking that innocent or unavoidable things are sin and so feeling needlessly guilty. People afflicted with this condition often feel driven to do what to them seems to be minimum Christian requirements for God’s approval but is actually abandoning grace and heading for spiritual burnout in a joyless, exhausting religious works program. As mentioned, when scrupulosity turns to obsessive thoughts, it can generate upsetting, uncontrollable blasphemous thoughts or images about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit, or exalting the devil. We’ll see later how people with an abnormally sensitive conscience end up hounded by the very thing they detest. We’ll also see that as the loving Lord holds no one responsible for being forcibly raped against his or her will, so he holds no one responsible for invasive thoughts or images that a person does not want.
Just as some people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder feel compelled to keep checking locks or washing their hands, others feel compelled to obsess over blasphemous thoughts that they hate or to keep doubting their salvation. In fact, scrupulosity has been called “pathological doubt.” OCD sufferers do something simple – depending on the person, it might be locking a door, switching off the oven, or receiving God’s forgiveness – and then their illness causes them to worry abnormally over whether they did it correctly. They feel driven to keep seeking assurance far beyond what is rational."–website
my last thought was to just kill myself,since i seem to struggle with my soul…but i dont want to..im just so tired…comments are welcome,i changed it to where anyone can comment..didnt know the settings were like they were…..