Hey… I’m sorry I have been very depressed. My boyfriend has cheated on me and left me. I’ve only been clean since April 3rd. The suicidal thoughts and everything are so much worse. EVERYTHING WILL FALL APART!!!!! I have been listening to a lot of Neil Hilborn… He has one poem called OCD that I understand. I just I understand a lot of his work. Nothing is going well and if I am not on for a long time again I am sorry. My dysphoria since it is summer is beyond worse nothing gets better like I have already said. I don’t understand anything I am only 14 and I am too dumb. My mom says I need to dress more girly if I want friends. I have a new boyfriend but it won’t last. My ex is always on my mind I long for him I can’t stop and I don’t know why. It happened too fast. My autism already makes me feel more… He is so fucking mean to me now. I thought we would get married and everything but after 9 months here I am alone… I love him… I hate myself for it but I can not fucking stop. I’ve been getting drunk again. I wish he wouldn’t of let me get so attached. He makes me want to kill myself so bad now…ouch. The song adams song by blink 182 is my mood really… I never thought I’d die alone
I laughed the loudest who’d have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn’t think enough
I’m too depressed to go on
You’ll be sorry when I’m gone

I hope nobody misses me if I kill myself. There is nothing to miss. The other day I wrote a suicidal letter that was 4 pages long. bye..