Life has gotten so mundane. My lack of motivation to do anything isn’t helping matters. I wish I didnt feel so trapped in my life. I feel like everything I do is for everyone else and there is no time for me. When there is I’m so exhausted from dealing with all the people and things in my life that I literally have to rest and recover. Resting actually doesnt even happen because my mind is full of all the things that need to be done and either get done late or not at all. It’s a never ending exhausting cycle. My kids and bf exhaust me. I thought that at this age I’d be able to get more stuff done for myself but it seems like it’s worse than ever now. I am so sick of everyone needing me all the time… actually it is probably my fault for making them need me. I really want to be able to be a individual. I have been a mom my whole adult life. I was a wife and now I’m a girlfriend. I just want to be me. I want to come and go as I please and not be questioned about where I’m going and how long I’m going to be. I feel smothered. I feel so unhappy and u fulfilled. I hope me attempting to try and go back to school will help that a little. School is just turning out to be harder for me than I thought it would be. I can’t concentrate on shit or for thoughts properly. I have ADHD that was just diagnosed last year and it’s something I kind of had and idea I’ve had all my life. In the last 10 years or so it’s just gotten so bad. Once I was an excellent student who loved writing and now i can’t. I cant even read a book anymore without having to re-read the same page several times. I really need to get my shot together. I’m 41 and just want to be further along in my career, social and emotional state. My health has also been terrible but slightly improving. If I could just lose some weight alot ot my issues would get so much better. *sigh* I still see a glimmer of hope so I just need to stay strong and work towards that. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting further and further away. I wish I had more of a support system. The “friends” I do have are so caught up in their own lives that when they call me it’s only when they need something. Story of my life…
Whitesnake
But I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
Here I go again
Here I go again
Though I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh, Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
‘Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
But I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time
Just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love’s sweet charity
I am gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
‘Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
And I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time
But here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go…
And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
Here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
‘Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
I have made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time.
But here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go,
Here I go again.
Hey, would you like to talk more? I would like to if you want?