I started seeing a therapist almost a year ago and thank god I did because had I not some events might have just pushed me over the edge. I’ll go into depth about what happened, but the event that triggered me going into a depressive relapse couldn’t went so much worse had I not been therapy. Though the last after effects have changed who I am and how I perceive people.
Looking back to who I was a year ago is totally different to how I am now. I received these insulting messages from an ex best friend of mine. Basically it one long conformation of what I had finally woken up to realize, I wasn’t good enough for him. He did thought I was “acceptable” whatever the hell that means. I was devastated because this happened again that I lost five years of my life in yet another toxic friendship where I was belittled and scolded at every little thing I did. I didn’t know then that wasn’t even the worse thing I can experience.
When my book came out I felt good. I was cocky feeling accomplished and happy that I thought I was on the smooth sailing to recovery. It wasn’t until I decided to have a tiny celebration with family that no one showed up to. Ripping open all my abandonment issues and leaving new scars. I fell into a pit of despair and my outlook changed. That was truly terrifying it was like I was watching myself fall and I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m more cut throats and I removed those people from my life because there was no way I could trust them or act like everything was normal after this. They didn’t not show up to be malicious brut the result was malicious. They didn’t even bother to give a late notice they weren’t coming. I just sat there at a table for 9 feeling more alone than I had in a really long time. I’m still trying to wake up from that nightmare