Ladies and Germs,(drumroll) For my next challange, I will be undergoing a colonoscopy on Tuesday April 20th. Despite popular rumors I'm NOT thrilled at the prospect of having a virtual sranger peering via a traveling CAMERA into my neither regions…BUT ….and there is a but….It's "the right time" for such a procedure considering my (discreet cough) age and my family medical history…
My partner went through the same procedure just last month so I know that the preperation is MUCH worse than the actual colonoscopy. I can only have clear liguids today which, for the safety and well being of all concerned, DOES include coffee!
At 6pm today I will begin drinking a concoction that is guaranteed to make me ALL sparkley clean inside. If you don't know what I mean just ask someone else. Even I would rather not go into the gross details here.
By the unholy hour of 7:30 AM I will be in admitting, thinner than an Mary-Kate Olson after a night of purging. Then I will sign papers absolving the doctor of any responsibility should he totally botch the job….NICE. The release papers basicly mean that should I wake up a post-op gender change or minus a kidney or testicle, I can't sue the doctor or the hospital….again….nice.
…(note to self: is there a black market for testicles?….ask Lance Armstrong)
…..On THE BRIGHT SIDE, the president just signed a law into effect that says that same gender partners have the SAME visitation rights as blood kin and can NOT be kept apart from them! I'm breating a little sigh of temporary releif at this as my family are blood sucking soul vampires and I have explicit instructions for them to be kept at bay should I be in a condition where I can't speak for myslef….It goes something like ….."…..In the event that I am unable to make decisions or speak for myself….keep my family the HELL away from me and any life support systems I may be on."
Anyway, wish me luck folks! I should be up and at my old perky self by Wednesday at the latest. *sigh* I guess I'm reaping my karma for all the "Gerbil Cam" jokes that I made Adam so nervous with before he had this done.
Loki Out !
P.S: If they take PICTURES, I will be sure to demand a copy so I can post em on a blog for you!