I WOULD RATHER DIE TRYING THAN SIT AT HOME ALL MY LIFE AND WONDER WHAT IF! I\'VE ALREADY STARTED THE PROCESS OF TRYING, AND IT IS FUCKING KILLING ME. HOWEVER, LIKE I SAID, I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE NOTHING AND HAVE NO LOVE OR LIFE. TO FUCKING HELL WITH HAVING NOTHING AND JUST BEING CONTENT. I WILL EITHER BE IN LOVE AND HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN OR I WILL BE DEAD SOMEDAY(YEA, I KNOW WE ALL DIE SOMDAY, BUT I THINK YOU GET THE POINT).

CASE AND POINT BEING THAT I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR FAILURE UNLESS IT MEANS THE DEATH OF ME. I AM GOING THROUGH THE WORST HELL IN MY LIFE. THERE IS ONE MAJOR POSITIVE IN MY LIFE BUT BESIDES THAT THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS GOING RIGHT DESPITE ALL MY EFFORTS…SOMETIMES I WONDER "WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS HELL?", THAN I JUST REALIZE THAT LIFE IS WHAT IT IS AND I HAVE TO SOMEHOW KEEP FIGHTING TILL THE DEATH. AND I MEAN THAT. I AM NOT IN A GOOD STATE OF MIND RIGHT NOW. BUT I HAVE TO SUCCEED. I MUST SUCCEED. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! FUCK THIS HELL I AM GOING THROUGH. I WILL KICK IT(MY HELL) IN THE NUTS AND MOVE ON. AND TO ANYONE ITRW THAT HAS SOMETHING AGAINST MY RESPECTFUL WAYS…TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOUR BS. I HAVE TRIED MY BEST, I WILL PROVE MYSELF TO ME AND THOSE THAT REALLY CARE ABOUT ME, AND I KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. AND TO THE REST THAT DON\'T GIVE A DAMN…I\'D TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN GO BUT I THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW!

I WILL SOMEHOW PULL THROUGH THIS. I KNOW I WILL. WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY, AND I KNOW I WILL. I ALWAYS FIND A WAY EVEN IF IT TAKES LONGER THAN I OR OTHERS WOULD LIKE. I APPRECIEATE ALL THOSE WHO SUPPORT ME AND TREAT ME WITH THE KINDNESS AND RESPECT THAT I TREAT YOU WITH. IT MEANS THE WORLD…I AM LOSING MY MIND. BUT SOMEHOW I WILL FIND IT.

AND WE ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER…THE END…

TAKE CARE

JUSTIN