For the last 10 years we have had our camper on a permanent site about 2 hours north of us in a campground. In the beginning it was so much fun and each year, I would stay longer by a few days while Mike and the kids went home. The last few years I ended up going when they opened in May and not coming home until they closed at the end of Sept. it was my time to be me. The kids are grown and would come and stay the weekend and of course Mike would be there as much as he could. I LOVED it!!! However, I don’t want to go anymore 🙁 This feeling started last year but I toughed it out thinking once I got up there, I’d get that excitement back. Nope, I didn’t stay like other years, I’d drive back home and go back a week later. Now this year, I don’t want to go at all….we have decided this is our last year and will pull out at the end of the season if not sooner. But my anxiety maxes out when ever I think about it even though I know it’s going to be over. I hate the drive and usually don’t go alone. I don’t drive much anymore.

I love our little camper and do enjoy camping. Mike and I started out in a tent and when I think about all we needed to haul with us back then! Wow, but we were A LOT younger 🙂 🙂  I have a lot of guilt too. I feel as though I’m cheating Mike and the kids out of the joy they got from being up there. We’ve made good friends and had good times but now are giving it up because of me. Financially it’s getting to be a struggle also but mainly it’s me. We talked about finding somewhere closer and I think I’d be OK with that.

We are supposed to leave to go up there this Thursday and I don’t have anything ready. Could do some of it today I guess but as it is the first time we are going there’s sooooo much to do (Anxiety level 6 is rising). I don’t want to go!!!!!!!!! I can’t back out 🙁 done that too many times with other things.

Psalm 121, I’ll make it.