I know I haven't been on in a while, nor have I posted any blogs- sorry! I am now working full time during the day and I have a part time job at Ballys working the front desk. Boring as it may be sometimes, it still pays, but I have no weekends! Roar!
Anyway, I have been continually taking my Lexapro and Strattera. If any of you are newly on Lexapro, if you get anxious or have any adverse side effects, try continuing to take it for at least two weeks. (Just promise as long as you can find something to distract yourself! ) When I first went on it, my anxiety was kind of intense for me but I got through with good support. Now, I would not go back for the world. It has made life a lot more manageable.
I am proud to announce that last Tuesday I GOT ENGAGED!!! to the most WONDERFUL MAN ever! He has made me realize that if I am deserving enough of his love and good enough of a person for him to want to marry me, then I don't derve to be doing harmful, dangerous things to my body. He has gone to church with me, been by my side through my manic highs (Though I must say the highs aren't as high, so the lows aren't as low!) He's been there for that too- he just doesn't know it!
Another big thing: I went back to the Cleveland Clinic Eating Disorders unit today. No, it's not because I am doing badly at all. I am doing a lot better than I have in God knows how long! Anyway, Jeremy went with me to turn my scale in! For as long as I was in that program they kept asking me to do it, but obviously I was opposed. I really felt that was a great idea- both practical and more symbollic than throwing it in the garbage can! 😉 I must say, that I have had a few obsessive/disorderd thoughts and urges since then. I think it's because I have put attention where I am trying to take away from. (Does that make sense?) Anyhow, I thought "Why do I need it? I never want to go back to that in my life! I am free and I never have to do that again". I thought for sure it was full steam ahead! I had an urge to stop at my house after the clinic and make myself feel better in a bad way. Instead, I went to go see Jeremy and I feel better now. I am not feeling 100% strong like I have been for quite some time and that is kind of making me nervous! I had some anxiety today, and I am worried it might come back. I guess we can't expect every day to be the best days of our lives!
Sorry this is so long, and probably boring! I will try to find time to write some poetry one of these days! Even though Jeremy doesn't have an account here, I jsut want to say that I credit him for saving me from myself! (That got to be a scary place!) And he might even be doing it right now and not even know it! 😉
Take care all- I wish you the best!