As I sit in the darkness of my bedroom ; I begin to ponder , " was it more then I gave it credit for or am I just thinking  about that so- called relationship because I am feeling alone "? It was wrong to have began to begin with ; I felt the vibe in my gut that he was wrong for me. " RED FLAGS" were flickering. but I was too blind sided to obey the warning signs. I know in my mind that getting rid of him was the best god damn thing I had ever done in my life. If we had kids? it would of wreaked more lives. Bad enough 3 by 3 different women  at the time ( now 5 ) . A friend of mine had told me the only way to stop thinking about old drama? Is to get into new drama . But yikes?!! Something that lasted only 2 months and 7 months of stalking / harrassing me to get back nearly drove me to death. I donno if I could do that to myself again. There are lots of better men out there most likely. But life is like a lottery ticket ( not every time will be a winner ).  I don’t want to keep on buying til i’m bankrupt.

thus, at the moment hiding in my room away from society probably isn’t such a smart thing either.

but the problem is? I donno why I cant stop thinking about him. If I did take JJ’s offer to back to her home town to work for her? That meant I’d might bump into him. I dont think after all that had been done to me? I can forgive him and just be friends or worse get emotionally strung into giving it another shot.

But I can’t stay here much longer. The parental units are driving me up the wall.


cheap pay but will get away from here


might see him!   what to do what to do

thinkin to myself – who do i wanna get away from more?

the family

or him??



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