So, I have Social anxiety, and horrible impulse control.

My mom beleves that it was because when I was in 1st-3rd grade my OCD totaly controled my life.I had no time to learn about what makes people sad, angry, happy, or expecialy, annoid. The other kids were all learnign these things and how to control impulse wile i was giving in to my OCD (wich i didn't know i had at the time). It told me i had to write all my letters up insted of down, and other things like that. I ditched my best freind in 2nd grade cause he had dirt on his ear one day. 


 I became the target to teasing and picking on with one "friend" who took advatage of me all the time. With so few people to be with I became more attached to my teachers, and my mom, and i developed separation anxiety, wich sucks when combined with OCD. I had to do noticable and annoying rituals involving my separation anxiety. I later got a freind that was not so apelling to the other kids, save for a little grupe of his that hated me as much as all the others. Thankfuly in 4th grade i got an autistic friend and he was awsome, a british guy because he was new and later some one that also had no freinds. By this time i had been going to the therapist and phyciatrist in secret because i found i had OCD. Threw 5 and 6th grade i developed a little grupe of new kids thus having someone to lean on, even though i was to afriad to tell any of  them I had OCD.


I had to move away from them and Hawaii and start all over, here in the mainland, but that is another story for another time. I had developed the whole class clown thing from 6th till 8th to put my loss of self control and annoiance to good use. I wasn't the best comedian but randomly blurting out stupid off topic things in the middle of class got a few laffs. most just found it was annoing but it was the only me expressing my extreem loss of comfort. Still, most find me annoing and some even pitty me, so I can't relly develop an actual freindship.


I have 3 freinds at the moment, one gone in foster care, another autistic one and one that I meet threw his pity for me. I try not to be so annoying and control my impulses but I just can't, at times I don't even think just act. My mom gave up on asking me if I got any friends at my new school and she keeps trying to teach me what makes people less annoyed. I think another reson i have no friends is because when ever someone actualy gets to know me they find I'm only annoying, weired, and socialy retarded. A lot of people I already do know are pissed off at the fact that they discust me and that I need to be alone most of the time. So there you have it.


Thanks for reading and comment if you like.

1 Comment
  1. angelhaven 12 years ago

    You are unique, not some of the words you used to describe yourself. Trust me, you will find a good friend, and 1 best friend is better than 20 'not so great' pals.

    We are who we are, we need to do what we can to improve ourselves, like in my case, make myself go to places that are crowded and go to activities with my kids. I had OCD a long long time ago, I fought and worked for 2 yrs to overcome it. I have other things, panic, depression and anxiety..I just try to live with it and gee, it's very hard.

    I know that you are NOT weird, as you talked about it, now you just have to do something positive about it! When someone talks like you do, you WANT friends, I KNOW you will find a good one soon:) Happy Holidays!



    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2021 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account