So this past week I have been reflecting on everything with my nanna and NO! I still have not made up my mind lol, The furthest I got to was Ill see her once and go from there and just "go with the flow" Which I am not very good at, but I'll give it a try, but the only reason I think im willing to try is for my grandad, but none the less im trying. This past week of constantly thinking screwed me up abit, physically anyway, My sleeping went more out of wack than normal, my eating and my energy, really took the wind out of me i spose, but then come friday night I forced myself to go to bed at 9pm and wake up at 7 and forced myself out of the little rut, I am actually surprised with myself, I've actually been able to stop myself from thinking about her… the second I think of her ill tell my self to stop and that thinking of her is a waste of my energy and for once I started listening to myself, I didnt know it would only take a week to feel better about her and everything.

About a month ago I went and saw my doctor about my anxiety and I am officially diagnosed with it YAY GO ME!!! lol she gave me pills and a referal to see a psychologist, I told her I wasnt too sure about meds, but she said "just take them home and think about it, but I think you can get through it with out meds" so they are sitting around some where, but I think im still going to see the quack to see what this one has to say for herself lol see if she can help me, tried calling her just before but got fucken message bank lol then I have the little problem with, I dont know what I want help for, I want it…  but what for? lol If she tells me to find my "happy place" I will strangle her! hmmmm

Well I've had to put my fish on a Pea diet… he is having trouble processing his food lol and he went a bit lumpy and lop sided, his tummy was holding him down hahahaha ah its funny, he is getting better though, more energy and when i go to his bowl he can actually swim to the top to greet me again.