Ok so it's been about 3-4 weeks since I found out my HIV status might have changed. I'm still mad at my ex, more for her not breaking it off with me if she wasn't satisfied with me than possibly exposing me to HIV, I'm just as responsible as her in that particular regard. I'm trying my hardest to forgive her but every time I think about it I'm still as angry as when I first found out.
Because of this I'm just frustrated with myself. I feel like a hypocrite every time I give someone advice that has a topic of "mellow out" I know in my head she didn't mean to hurt me but no matter how hard I try I still can't completely forgive her… I used to take pride in the fact that I'm the most even tempered and understanding person I know. I think what I'm trying to say is "Without that neutral, centered part of my personality, I don't really know what I am."
Adding the fact that I want to get tested again ASAP to confirm my status and knowing that I have to wait for at least another 2 months to all of this is making me really anxious. I slip in and out of bits of calmness and anxiety. I think I've had some symptoms, sore throat, headaches, and this weird hot sensation in my stomach but I know that it could be the flu or anything else. I've decided to not worry my family with the news until I know for certain I definitely have something to worry about.
Meanwhile I'm frequently pulling overtime at work. I'm actually quite grateful for this, when I have something to focus on I know I don't have to worry so much about things. Also all of this is really good for my art I'll be uploading some more samles of the works that I'm not entering into contests as soon as I can find a way to get them down to 1 MB lol.
Take care all… if I come up with any relevant HIV news that my friend Tecknique hasn't given to you I'll gladly share it 😀
It's been about 4 weeks for myself actually I gave blood on Dec 21, 2012 went out of town to visit my sister for X-mas when I got back home on January 4,2013 letter from state and blood bank, still very upset and I can't be mad with no one but myself what gets me is that for the past 3 years my Kids father has been diagoise with bipolar & schizophrenia so he has been out of the home and of course I got lonely and has aloud someone to come into my life withthin the threes years but this had to happen within the last 8 month how can I tell him when he come home this time if he come homes. That I';m Positive even out of mind he asked was I before but I was Neg then. Kids are 5 and 6 and he is the only father they know and we've been together for 12 years he has been incraceted for 2 years they let him out in May of last year and he thought he was only gone for 7 months but was gone for one year and half. So I had to have gotten this Viruse from the time frame of him getting rearrested in August 2012' I had to have contracted this virsues. I just try to maintain keep my strength up and go foward for the kids I try not to focus on there Father since he refuses to take his Medication and be the Man I know he can be. I put that in GOD hands and just taken care of my health especially since I had the gastric bypass also I havn't been taken vitiams like I should for the past 3 years…But God is so Good I try to stay so positive but sometimes it get so Hard….