I read the following on one of the many social media sites: “that everyone you meet is going through something you know nothing about so be kind always”.

I guess when you are not going through something major, the above will not make you pause. For me, it made me pause, it doesn’t mean though that I am now the kindest person walking this earth, but once in while when I remember it, I pause and reflect on my actions towards others and towards myself. And I realise that charity begins at home. I have to learn to be kind to myself too not just to friends and strangers.

However, being kind to myself is something I still struggle with. Learning to be patient with myself and to love myself, are actions that I am not able to do. I keep going back to the beginning of this new chapter in my life and I know that does not help, but where is the 101 book on how to overcome your struggles, how to learn to love yourself, forgive yourself?

How do I find that one thing that I love most about myself and focus on that and take things a day at a time to help me overcome my struggles, fears, anxiety and self-loathing? How do I keep the faith? These are questions I ask myself constantly and on some days, I am happy and I feel good and I feel as though the old me is peeking out. On other days, eating is a struggle, doing the usual household chores is a struggle, talking to friends and family is a chore, meeting up with friends is a task, going to work – don’t get me started on that one.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel or will I wake up one day and it will be better, bearable, different?

The most amazing thing happened to me recently. I shared my story with a friend and I am not alone. They are going through the same thing I am. They were diagnosed as being positive many years ago and the thing that struck me the most is how positive (in terms of attitude) they were then and still are. I hope to get there someday and I hope they will teach me how to get to that mental state.

  1. newbie2016 6 years ago

    i recently read the same statement on facebook. it made me think, I am grateful we are medicated to life a full life however hard it will be at times. and then i wan to scream hey i seem distant because of my status

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    • Author
      hawi 6 years ago

      You are right, we should be grateful for the medicines give us a new lease on life. And like you, sometimes that inner voice wants to let the world know that you are not the same.
      I read an interesting post here and the lady mentioned that it is not her but her blood that is poisoned. Maybe looking at it that way will help during the hard times.

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