I read the following on one of the many social media sites: “that everyone you meet is going through something you know nothing about so be kind always”.
I guess when you are not going through something major, the above will not make you pause. For me, it made me pause, it doesn’t mean though that I am now the kindest person walking this earth, but once in while when I remember it, I pause and reflect on my actions towards others and towards myself. And I realise that charity begins at home. I have to learn to be kind to myself too not just to friends and strangers.
However, being kind to myself is something I still struggle with. Learning to be patient with myself and to love myself, are actions that I am not able to do. I keep going back to the beginning of this new chapter in my life and I know that does not help, but where is the 101 book on how to overcome your struggles, how to learn to love yourself, forgive yourself?
How do I find that one thing that I love most about myself and focus on that and take things a day at a time to help me overcome my struggles, fears, anxiety and self-loathing? How do I keep the faith? These are questions I ask myself constantly and on some days, I am happy and I feel good and I feel as though the old me is peeking out. On other days, eating is a struggle, doing the usual household chores is a struggle, talking to friends and family is a chore, meeting up with friends is a task, going to work – don’t get me started on that one.
Is there light at the end of the tunnel or will I wake up one day and it will be better, bearable, different?
The most amazing thing happened to me recently. I shared my story with a friend and I am not alone. They are going through the same thing I am. They were diagnosed as being positive many years ago and the thing that struck me the most is how positive (in terms of attitude) they were then and still are. I hope to get there someday and I hope they will teach me how to get to that mental state.