<span style=""font-size: "><span style=""color: "><span style=""background-color: ">Ok…so I just found out that I\’m gonna be a grandma!  I am extremely excited about this and I am completely happy with the choices my daughter has made in her life.  She has a great fiance’.  He is as excited as he should be and my daughter is such a nurturing person that she will make a great mom.  Zack is such a great guy and enough still of a kid that he will be a great dad.  They were already planning to get married.  But Katelyn insists that she won\’t get married while she is pregnant…haha…wants her dream wedding.  So…..the baby is due May 24, 2009, and their wedding date is set for March 27, 2010.  So everything is in place…why do I feel anxious?  Well, they have been living with me and my other daughter…and today they found a house and are moving out Dec. 1st.  I always knew that the time would come when she would move out on her own.  She in many ways is very mature for 19.  However, the economy sux and life in the big world sux…and I know I know its time to cut the cord, but I want her to have everything she deserves, and I am just scared for her.  And yes, I\’m scared for me too!  I have come to rely heavily on those early morning talks and late evening card games and just her being here…I am gonna miss her so much, I want her to know this, but I am afraid to say anything because I don\’t want her to think she can\’t do this, or that I don\’t want her to go because of me…as I said…she\’s extremely nurturing and I am worried that she will mistake any thing I say as that I need her to take care of me.  She does in so many ways…not that I need her to, but she just does. Every cold, every everything, she is right there making sure that my meds get taken at the right time, cooking dinner, etc, etc.  I am perfectly capable, but she just does it with her sweet little reminders and picking up on bad days and taking upon herself to cook.  My other older daughter does this too.  So while I know that it really is crucial for me to send them off into this big world, they are also the 2 of only about 10 ppl that know about my HIV status so, yeah….those talks and family times are important, cuz I don\’t share that with anyone else.  She is embarking on the rest of her life, and I feel stagnate…I think that is my biggest problem…jealousy?  Maybe a little…hahaha.  Happy for her?  Totally!!!!!!  Scared for her?  Completely!  Anxious about her future?  Only in that I never want her to know heartbreak of any kind! 


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